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Author: Bradley Sands
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781936383153
Category : Poetry
Languages : en
Pages : 130
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Book Description
Bizarro humorist Bradley Sands returns with one of the strangest, most hilarious collections of the year.In Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy, the pope gets sued, a headless man falls in love with a bowl of rice, and architects dismantle the earth. A war breaks out over greeting cards. A suicidal amputee tries to kill himself. William S. Burroughs becomes an amateur archaeologist and Tao Lin drinks an ape-flavored smoothie.Between a breakfast of clocks, a lunch date with Adolf Hitler, and breakdancing in outer space, anything is possible in the work of Bradley Sands. Just never wear a bear costume to an orgy.
Author: Bradley Sands
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781936383153
Category : Poetry
Languages : en
Pages : 130
Get Book Here
Book Description
Bizarro humorist Bradley Sands returns with one of the strangest, most hilarious collections of the year.In Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy, the pope gets sued, a headless man falls in love with a bowl of rice, and architects dismantle the earth. A war breaks out over greeting cards. A suicidal amputee tries to kill himself. William S. Burroughs becomes an amateur archaeologist and Tao Lin drinks an ape-flavored smoothie.Between a breakfast of clocks, a lunch date with Adolf Hitler, and breakdancing in outer space, anything is possible in the work of Bradley Sands. Just never wear a bear costume to an orgy.
Author:
Publisher: Heavy Feather Review LLC
ISBN:
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 123
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Book Description
Author: Bradley Sands
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781936383474
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 0
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Book Description
What the crap is Arnold Schwarzenegger doing on the cover of Rico Slade's book? This is Rico Slade's goddamn book. Rico Slade is not a body builder, an actor, or a governor. Rico Slade is an action hero. Rico Slade doesn't care about the political climate. Rico Slade has an advance degree in badassery. Rico Slade's favorite food is the honey-roasted peanut. Rico Slade can rip out a throat with his bare hands. But Rico Slade's arch nemesis, Baron Mayhem, is threatening to drop a bomb on the Earth that will kill every human being except himself while leaving the world's currency intact. To save the planet, Rico Slade must journey across Hollywood to find Baron Mayhem. Unfortunately, Rico Slade's crime fighting style involves ripping out the throat of anyone who gets in his way, including grandmothers and Midwestern tourists. As Rico Slade leaves Hollywood in ruins, the only person who can stop him from destroying the city is his Jewish psychologist, Harold Schwartzman. Until he does, Rico Slade will kill as many people as it takes to thwart Baron Mayhem's evil scheme. Rico Slade will fucking kill everyone. RICO SLADE WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.
Author: Bradley Sands
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781621051619
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 188
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Book Description
On the dodgeball court, no one can hear you scream. Justin Lucas just started at a new high school, but there are no classes in really important stuff like English literature, mathematics, science, or history. Instead, the entire curriculum is dedicated to playing Dodgeball. Justin is...perplexed. Where are the pencils and textbooks? Why are there so many explosives strapped to the balls? And what's up with the barbed wire? Does the school administration really think it's appropriate to wrap the balls in barbed wire? Dodgeball High does not seem like a safe environment for a young man. But his classmates don't care. They kinda remind him of junior Mafia Dons, little serial killers, and pint-sized dictators from third world countries. And they are all really good at Dodgeball (and the shedding of their classmates' blood), while Justin totally sucks. And to make matters worse, Justin's parents are like...total dicks. They won't let him go to a different school because they think he's full of crap about this "Dodgeball nonsense." Not to mention that Dodie Manson, the greatest player in the school, has a gigantic crush on Justin. And whoever Dodie wants, Dodie gets, and her BFs have a habit of experiencing intense pleasure prior to their "mysterious" decapitations. Does Justin have what it takes to survive and make it to the top of his class before graduation? Or will he be eliminated permanently? Read "Dodgeball High" to find out, but watch out for the ball that's coming at your head!
Author: Cameron Pierce
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781936383979
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 0
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Book Description
On the seventh day, the Flying Spaghetti Monster said, "Read me, for I am good." In Amazing Stories, the Flying Spaghetti Monster goes on trial to earn his godhood among a council of deities that includes Jehovah, the Buddha, Ganesh, Cthulhu, and Charlie Sheen. He is interviewed for an exclusive episode of the celebrity talk show In the Monster's Studio to discuss his relationship with Godzilla and other famous monsters. He rears his head at an archeological dig in a desert wasteland and dines with a horde of food demons in Hell. He rescues pirates, authors, and prisoners from the cold hand of death while banishing children to suffering and starvation. He is a just god, but only if you compliment his vodka sauce. Like an all-spaghetti evening of Adult Swim, Amazing Stories of the Flying Spaghetti Monster will show you the many realms of His Noodly Appendage. Learn of those who worship him and the lives he touches in distant, mysterious ways. Enjoy with Italian food and a side of Darwinism.
Author: Bradley Sands
Publisher:
ISBN:
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 208
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Book Description
IT CAME FROM BELOW THE BELT, BY BRADLEY SANDS Meet Grover Goldstein: Twenty-First Century rascal, trainee provocateur, boy next door who won't stop snickering at you from behind the lawn gnome. Swallowed by a giraffe and regurgitated oodles of years into the future, Grover must satisfy his urge to go home-even if it means going back to high school and helping his severed, and sentient, penis win the presidential election. Come along to Assumption High as Grover tries to answer the age-old question, What if I had forgotten then what I don't know now? Absurdism at its finest, and part of the new and expanding Bizarro genre, this highly-anticipated first novel is by the editor of the zine Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens.
Author: Bradley Sands
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781621050100
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 224
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Book Description
A tour-de-force. A harrowing comic masterpiece. A timely novel that transcends the times. An instant American classic. This is what critics are not saying about Bradley Sands' latest magnum opus, Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face: A Novel. A novel in three parts, Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face: A Novel is the story of one boy detective, the worst ninja in the world, and the great American fast food wars. It is a novel of loss, destruction, and-incredibly-genuine hope. Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face: A Novel contains three classic Bradley Sands novellas: Frankie Nougat and the Missing Heart, Cheesequake Smash-Up, and Apocalypse Ninja.
Author: K. F. Breene
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781955757096
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 386
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Book Description
I could save him, but he would ruin me. The beast. The creature who stalks the forbidden wood. The dragon prince.He has suffered a fate worse than death. We all have. A curse put upon us by the mad king.We are a kingdom locked in time. Shifters unable to feel our animals. Stuck here by a deal between the late king and a demon who seeks our destruction. The only one keeping this kingdom alive is Nyfain, the golden prince to a stolen throne. The last dragon shifter. He's our hope. He's my nightmare. When he catches me trespassing in the forbidden wood, he doesn't punish me with death, as he's entitled. He takes me, instead. Forces me back to the castle as his prisoner. Seeks to use me. Apparently I can save him. I can save the whole forgotten kingdom, locked away by the demon king's power. But it would mean taming the monster beneath his skin. It would mean giving myself to him. It would mean my ruin._ _ _ _ _ _This is a dark and sexy Beauty and the Beast retelling featuring a strong heroine, a dangerous anti-hero, and a humorous supporting cast.
Author: Bradley Sands
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781946335050
Category :
Languages : en
Pages :
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Book Description
When grandmother dies and the front door disappears, one family will have to explore the inner dimensions of their house, themselves, and each other in order to find a way out. Bradley Sands' novelette reimagines the idea that a house becomes a home, and instead asks what happens when a family becomes a house. Liquid Status is family drama reimagined as a surreal, existential nightmare.
Author: Simone Elkeles
Publisher: Llewellyn Worldwide
ISBN: 0738733911
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 230
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Book Description
One girl + two guys = three hot summers. It all adds up to some steamy romance—and a few complications. Can Amy Nelson-Barak juggle the gorgeous guys in her life without ruining everything? From Simone Elkeles, the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of Rules of Attraction and Perfect Chemistry, comes this e-book trilogy edition of her popular books How to Ruin a Summer Vacation (a YALSA 2007 Teens’ Top Ten selection), How to Ruin My Teenage Life, and How to Ruin Your Boyfriend’s Reputation. “A great read—alike for fans of Meg Cabot, Melissa Kantor, and Sarah Dessen.”—VOYA on How to Ruin Your Boyfriend’s Reputation “The choice for teens who seek realistic YA fiction.”—School Library Journal on How to Ruin My Teenage Life Also, don’t miss Simone Elkeles’s critically acclaimed Leaving Paradise and New York Times bestselling Return to Paradise!
