Author: Diana Stefano
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781727605174
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 150
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Book Description
My Kid Is an Asshole, and So Is My Dog-- a comedic look at the drama of raising a teenage girl I just returned from the mall after school shopping with my soon-to-be sophomore and her friend. I now understand why fathers opt to go camping, roll around in elk urine, and shit in a hole rather than go to the mall three days before school starts. As if the crowds weren't bad enough, my girl decided to wear a flannel that hung lower than her shorts, making it appear that she was walking around naked from the waist down. She was flocked by sales people, who, I am sure, were calculating their commissions in their heads. I mean, why not? Everybody wants to help the girl who arrives pant-less. Obviously, she needs clothes.We're not home half an hour and the vodka I poured for myself is only half gone when she yells down from her room, "Mom, have you seen my push up bra? Maybe we need to go back to the mall."It's the moments like these where I'm convinced raising a teen is bullshit, and I wonder if we'll ever come out on the other side even speaking to one another. Pass the vodka.There aren't enough warnings in the world for raising teenage girls. Although my mom swears my daughter takes after me, so it's karma.Is it karma that I've got two barking dogs? It must be. Have you ever heard a shiu-tzu bark? I have. Over and over. They think they're coyotes. I swear. And right now, they're wrestling over some stuffed animal, which is surely about to fling open, so I can pick up little beads all over the carpet while drinking my vodka. No wait. They stopped. One of them had to drag its ass across the floor. Epic.It's in the little moments where I earn my parenting badges-the faded stretch marks.Ruff, ruff!If this is my karma for being such an asshole to my mom, maybe we can get through this too. And if she pays attention in English, instead of scouting for a prom date, she can learn to write her own book-the sequel to this: My Mom Is an Asshole, but Not My Dog.
Author: Patricia McConnell, Ph.D.
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0307489183
Category : Pets
Languages : en
Pages : 289
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Book Description
Learn to communicate with your dog—using their language “Good reading for dog lovers and an immensely useful manual for dog owners.”—The Washington Post An Applied Animal Behaviorist and dog trainer with more than twenty years’ experience, Dr. Patricia McConnell reveals a revolutionary new perspective on our relationship with dogs—sharing insights on how “man’s best friend” might interpret our behavior, as well as essential advice on how to interact with our four-legged friends in ways that bring out the best in them. After all, humans and dogs are two entirely different species, each shaped by its individual evolutionary heritage. Quite simply, humans are primates and dogs are canids (as are wolves, coyotes, and foxes). Since we each speak a different native tongue, a lot gets lost in the translation. This marvelous guide demonstrates how even the slightest changes in our voices and in the ways we stand can help dogs understand what we want. Inside you will discover: • How you can get your dog to come when called by acting less like a primate and more like a dog • Why the advice to “get dominance” over your dog can cause problems • Why “rough and tumble primate play” can lead to trouble—and how to play with your dog in ways that are fun and keep him out of mischief • How dogs and humans share personality types—and why most dogs want to live with benevolent leaders rather than “alpha wanna-bes!” Fascinating, insightful, and compelling, The Other End of the Leash is a book that strives to help you connect with your dog in a completely new way—so as to enrich that most rewarding of relationships.
Author: Matt Shaw
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781975732974
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 88
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Book Description
'I WANT A DOG!'Who hasn't heard that screamed from a child or partner? They want a dog but you don't want one because you know it will be your responsibility to look after it when they grow bored. Well, this book isn't necessarily for you. This book is for those who want a dog but have no idea what they're really letting themselves in for. You see, I wanted a dog. I was one of those annoying people ranting and raving how badly I wanted one. 'Now I am an adult, I should be allowed to get a dog! It's my house!'I got my dog. I got what I wanted. I even chose the dog. Now, as I sit here typing out this blurb, I weep. Why did I do this to myself? Why have I just committed to this little bastard for God knows how many years?If you want a dog of your own. Read this book. Perhaps see things you didn't necessarily think of (on top of having to clean up its shit from when you go on walks or when it runs in your garden). Then, when you have read the book, make your decision again. Decide if it really is for you.Don't want a dog? Well this is about a pug called Chewie... Read about Chewie's first year and just laugh at my misadventures and misery...From Matt Shaw, author of 'Wasting Stamps', 'Plentyoffreaks' and 'Im fine'
Author: Monks of New Skete
Publisher: Little, Brown
ISBN: 0759524378
Category : Pets
Languages : en
Pages : 361
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Book Description
The Monks of New Skete THE ART OF RAISING A PUPPY The authors of the classic guide How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend now tell you everything you need to know about the crucial first months of your puppy's life. From the decision to adopt a pup through the practical steps of choosing the right breed, preparing your home, caring for your new charge, and practicing basic obedience exercises, the Monks of New Skete offer clear, compassionate guidelines for raising a puppy. Renowned for breeding German shepherds, the Monks train their own beautiful dogs, and dogs of any breed, according to a unique program based on understanding canine behavior and enhancing the bond between dog and owner. This communion begins in puppyhood and is based on deep respect and affection. Improper care, poor training, or a lack of attention during the early months can lead to problem behaviors that become increasingly difficult to alter as your dog matures. By learning to gently assert your dominance from the start, you'll build a lasting and loving relationship with your pup. This complete guide, illustrated with more than eighty black-and-white photographs, explains the stages of puppy development, how to communicate with your pup, how to begin a complete training program, and how to deal with common problems like chewing, jumping up, and paper-training. The kind of fulfillment a solid relationship with your pup can bring is demonstrated in the stories of three dogs who have assumed special places in their owners lives. The Art of Raising a Puppy is an essential source of wisdom, information, and inspiration for anyone who loves and cares for a puppy. As a community, the Monks of New Skete have been breeding, raising, and training dogs for more than twenty years. New Skete Monastery is located in Cambridge, New York.
Author: Lisa Edwards
Publisher: Seal Press
ISBN: 1580055788
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 256
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Book Description
Please Don't Bite the Baby (and Please Don't Chase the Dogs) chronicles certified professional dog trainer Lisa Edwards’ endearing and entertaining journey to ensure that her household survives and thrives when she introduces her son to her motley pack of animals. As Lisa knows all too well, the dog/child relationship is simultaneously treasured, misunderstood, and sometimes feared. In a twist, Lisa's dog training techniques inevitably seep into how she navigates her first year with baby to mixed but enlightening results. Lisa includes her best training techniques for the everyday pet owner itemized at the end of each chapter. This book is important for parents, grandparents, and caregivers who have dogs and young children together and want to ensure safety for all.
Author: El Ninjo
Publisher: Speedy Publishing LLC
ISBN: 1635017300
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 157
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Book Description
BONUS - Includes FREE Dog Farts Audio Book for Kids Inside! These short moral stories for kids are not only entertaining to read, to look at and to listen to, but they are teaching your kid about all kinds of life lessons the smart and not the annoying way. With this smart dog farts book your kids do not turn into little farting monsters over night, but they become smarter! This is how Einstein would have taught his kids the gravity of farts:) The list of fart situation goes like this: * The Wake Upper Popper * The Straight Up Breakfast Table Shot * The Flying Carpet * The Backpack Burster * The Gasification In The Car * The Neighbour Detonator * The Imaginary Bone Shot Or Fart Expressionism * The Blue Hour In The Elevator (This is a brand new & never before released story. It is included for the first time in this new & enhanced color & audio version of the Fart Book) and many more steamy bean blowing farting dog episodes... The list of Dog Jerks - Vol. 3 goes like this: Why Dogs Can Be Real Jerks Sometimes Jerky Treats Better Than Celery Sticks The Perky Bullfrog Trick Egocentric Pesky Perks Pee Wee Herman Philosophy A Jerk's Agenda ... Purchase my "Fart Book" right now for your kids while this low introductory price is still available. Go ahead...purchase this funny LOL fart book & dog jerk humor dog books compilation today & let the fun begin!
Author: David Herbert Lawrence
Publisher: ReadHowYouWant.com
ISBN: 1427047162
Category : Aztec mythology
Languages : en
Pages : 422
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Book Description
The novel has a contemporary setting during the period of the Mexican Revolution. It opens with a group of tourists visiting a bullfight in Mexico City. One of them, Kate Leslie, departs in disgust and encounters Don Cipriano, a Mexican general. Later she meets his friend, intellectual land-owner Don Ramon, and travels to Sayula, a small town set on a lake. Ramon and Cipriano are leading a revival of a pre-Christian religion and Kate becomes drawn into their cult.
Author: Alison Green
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0399181814
Category : Business & Economics
Languages : en
Pages : 306
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Book Description
From the creator of the popular website Ask a Manager and New York’s work-advice columnist comes a witty, practical guide to 200 difficult professional conversations—featuring all-new advice! There’s a reason Alison Green has been called “the Dear Abby of the work world.” Ten years as a workplace-advice columnist have taught her that people avoid awkward conversations in the office because they simply don’t know what to say. Thankfully, Green does—and in this incredibly helpful book, she tackles the tough discussions you may need to have during your career. You’ll learn what to say when • coworkers push their work on you—then take credit for it • you accidentally trash-talk someone in an email then hit “reply all” • you’re being micromanaged—or not being managed at all • you catch a colleague in a lie • your boss seems unhappy with your work • your cubemate’s loud speakerphone is making you homicidal • you got drunk at the holiday party Praise for Ask a Manager “A must-read for anyone who works . . . [Alison Green’s] advice boils down to the idea that you should be professional (even when others are not) and that communicating in a straightforward manner with candor and kindness will get you far, no matter where you work.”—Booklist (starred review) “The author’s friendly, warm, no-nonsense writing is a pleasure to read, and her advice can be widely applied to relationships in all areas of readers’ lives. Ideal for anyone new to the job market or new to management, or anyone hoping to improve their work experience.”—Library Journal (starred review) “I am a huge fan of Alison Green’s Ask a Manager column. This book is even better. It teaches us how to deal with many of the most vexing big and little problems in our workplaces—and to do so with grace, confidence, and a sense of humor.”—Robert Sutton, Stanford professor and author of The No Asshole Rule and The Asshole Survival Guide “Ask a Manager is the ultimate playbook for navigating the traditional workforce in a diplomatic but firm way.”—Erin Lowry, author of Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping By and Get Your Financial Life Together
Author: Kate Cruise & Timmie
Publisher: Speedy Publishing LLC
ISBN: 1634281896
Category : Juvenile Nonfiction
Languages : en
Pages : 336
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Book Description
This 3 In 1 Box Set Compilation includes Kate Cruise's & Timmie Guzzmann's intriguing and interesting frog & snake fact book for kids plus the LOL Dr. Seuss style dog jerk rhyming poem book with hilarious dogrhyming verses for kids. The compilation includes: Book 1: 265 Million Years Ago...Until Today...FROGS ROCK! Frog And Toad, Frog Pictures For Kids, Kids Book About Frogs Book 2: Snake Adventure Book: Discover Amazing Snakes, Snake Pictures, Snakes As Pets Book 3: Book: Humor Dogs: Dogs Are Just Really Big Jerks! Book 1: Does your child love cute frogs and toads? Inside the frog and toad discovery book your child will learn about things like: * What Is The History Of Frogs? * What Are The Differences Between Frogs & Toads * Where Are Frogs Found All Over The World? * Why Do Frogs Have Moist Skin & Why Do They Shed Their Skin? * Which Are The Most Poisonous Frogs On Earth? * The Weirdest Looking Toads & Frogs * The Absolute Most Bizarre & Weirdest Frogs On Earth * Do All Frogs Sound The Same? * Some Ultimate Answers To The Question Why Do Frogs Rock? * Curious & Intriguing Facts lots more... Book 2: Does your child love gracious & beautiful snakes? Inside the snake discovery book you'll learn: * Ancient Snake Origins * Where Do Snakes Hang Out? * The Secrets Of A Snake's Skin * Do Snakes Have A 6th Sense? * What Is A Snake's Defense Tactic? * Can Snakes Fly & Other Snake Specialities * 16 Amazing Non-Venomous Snakes * Most Beautiful Snakes On Earth * Snakes As Pets Lots More... Book 3: Inside you'll find jerky dog moments like: * The Perky Bullfrog Trick * Egocentric Pesky Perks * A Jerk's Agenda * Soggy Doggy * Proud Peeing Moments * Barking Without A Spark * The Flirt-SchooledLord Of Misrule & much more... Lots More... Get this 3 In 1 box set compilation today because buying this kid book compilation gives you more value for a smaller prize, but you can also buy each book individually.
Author: Timmie Guzzmann
Publisher: Speedy Publishing LLC
ISBN: 1631876163
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 192
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Book Description
LIMITED-TIME SPECIAL: Special Bonus Inside! That's right...For a limited time you can download a FREE audiobook version of Timmie Guzzmann's Cat Jerk, Dog Jerk & Unicorn Jerk Joke Book with your purchase. Cat, Dog and Unicorn lovers will laugh out loud at the jerkiness of their rainbow color striped and furry friends with these curious & humorous unicorn, cat & dog poems & rhymes. In this hilarious Funny Poem Book For Kids compilation of tongue-twisting and rhyming poetry, Timmie watches cats and unicorns while they think nobody watches them & unlocks the poet in him. The poem collection in the book perfectly captures the inner workings of the jerk unicorn, jerk dog & jerk cat psyche. The book includes funny, hilarious and whimsical illustrations that reveal one horned horses, doggys andkitty cat's at their jerkiest moments. Let yourself be wowed and dive into a totally new genre of cat, dog and unicorn jerkiness because you won't believe how these jerks are acting when they think nobody is watching them... Inside you'll find jerky cat and unicorn moments like: * Stinky Pink * Fighting Laws Are Not For Jerks * The Mean Latrine * Kitty Litter & Dusty Glitter * Scooping & Pooping * Evil Green Eyes * The Hypnotizing & Traumatizing Cat's Ball Of Fur * Rainbow Fairy Dust & Magical Ray Of Gooey Rainbow Dust * Unicorns & Clogged Toilets * Unicorn Dreads & Rainbow Spreads * Trees Are Like Guardian Angels * Rainbow Fairy Fluff * Turkey Dinner Turns Out Jerkier Than You Might Think * Jerky Treats Better Than Celery Sticks * The Perky Bullfrog Trick * Pee Wee Herman Philosophy * Soggy Doggy * The Flirt-Schooled Lord Of Misrule and lots more... Download this hilarious 3 in 1 compilation of "Unicorns Are Just Really Big Jerks! Volume 1, "Cats Are Just Really Big Jerks!" Volume 2 and "Dogs Are Just Really Big Jerks!" Volume 3 right now & enjoy some unforgettable jerk moments ...
