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Author: Simon Haynes
Publisher: Bowman Press
ISBN:
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 287
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Book Description
Did you bring the salt? A creaky old robot shows up in a backward, medieval kingdom, promptly triggering all-out war. It's elves versus humans, humans versus dwarves, and pretty much everyone versus the goblins. At least there are no dragons to worry about, because they've been boned, filleted and barbecued to the brink of extinction. Hey, it's their own fault for being delicious. Throw in a wizard with pockets full of mysterious herbs, a volatile halfling with a hair-trigger temper and a barbarian who'd rather bed the nearest princess than wield his other mighty sword, and you have the makings of a crazed, epic trilogy. Can the robot survive this feudal insanity, or will he end up shared between the warring factions... literally? This is the first novel in a humorous fantasy trilogy. Each book continues plot lines and character arcs from the previous title, with everything wrapping up in book three. They're not stand-alones! Also available: an omnibus edition containing all three titles, and an audiobook edition of the whole trilogy. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book one in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels, medieval humour, wizard humor, robot books
Author: Simon Haynes
Publisher: Bowman Press
ISBN:
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 287
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Book Description
Did you bring the salt? A creaky old robot shows up in a backward, medieval kingdom, promptly triggering all-out war. It's elves versus humans, humans versus dwarves, and pretty much everyone versus the goblins. At least there are no dragons to worry about, because they've been boned, filleted and barbecued to the brink of extinction. Hey, it's their own fault for being delicious. Throw in a wizard with pockets full of mysterious herbs, a volatile halfling with a hair-trigger temper and a barbarian who'd rather bed the nearest princess than wield his other mighty sword, and you have the makings of a crazed, epic trilogy. Can the robot survive this feudal insanity, or will he end up shared between the warring factions... literally? This is the first novel in a humorous fantasy trilogy. Each book continues plot lines and character arcs from the previous title, with everything wrapping up in book three. They're not stand-alones! Also available: an omnibus edition containing all three titles, and an audiobook edition of the whole trilogy. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book one in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels, medieval humour, wizard humor, robot books
Author: Simon Haynes
Publisher: Bowman Press
ISBN:
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 873
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Book Description
Three full-length novels in one volume! "An insane, inspired blend of high fantasy and low humour" Here's what you get! A Portion of Dragon and Chips A mild-mannered old robot has just been transported to a medieval kingdom, and things are quickly going from bad to worse. A homicidal knight is after his blood... or the robot equivalent. A greedy queen wants to bend him to her will. A conniving Master of Spies is hatching his own devious plan for the mechanical marvel. And worst of all, there's nowhere to get a recharge. A Butt of Heads Remember that mild-mannered robot trapped in a medieval kingdom? He's still there, and he has a load of new problems to deal with. First, he must lead a motley crew of adventurers on a quest to capture a baby dragon... ... and save them from the incensed parent dragons. Next, the City Guard is hunting him down, determined to drag him back to their master, a man desperate to find out what makes the robot tick... even if it means disassembly with a blunt axe. And, to cap it all off, two foreign nations are planning an invasion, five kingdoms are on the brink of war, and gigantic sea serpents, vengeful dragons and a drunken cadre of dwarves are determined to make life difficult for everyone. A Pair of Nuts on the Throne It's crunch time for the medieval kingdom! Our mild-mannered hero, the junky old robot, has a new ally. He's sure they've met before, but he can't quite put his finger on it. Actually, he can't quite put his finger on anything. Heads of state are dropping like flies, thanks to a series of improbable accidents, and war clouds are rolling in. The elves are building siege engines, human kingdoms are raising their armies, and the dwarves are nursing hangovers. Enjoy the laughs, chaos and misadventures in the third and final part of the Dragon and Chips trilogy.
Author: Simon Haynes
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781072267706
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 741
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Book Description
Get the Dragon and Chips trilogy in a single, huge volume. Three novels in one! A creaky old robot shows up in a backward, medieval kingdom, promptly triggering all-out war. It's elves versus humans, humans versus dwarves, and pretty much everyone versus the goblins. At least there are no dragons to worry about, because they've been boned, filleted and barbecued to the brink of extinction. Hey, it's their own fault for being delicious. Throw in a wizard with pockets full of mysterious herbs, a volatile halfling with a hair-trigger temper and a barbarian who'd rather bed the nearest princess than wield his other mighty sword, and you have the makings of a crazed, epic trilogy. Can the robot survive this feudal insanity, or will he end up shared between the warring factions... literally? This single volume includes A Portion of Dragon and Chips, A Butt of Heads and A Pair of Nuts on the Thone. Get it now! Swearing: minorViolence: moderateSex: none/offscreen mentions
Author: Simon Haynes
Publisher: Bowman Press
ISBN:
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 284
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Book Description
Remember that mild-mannered robot trapped in a medieval kingdom? He's still there, and now he has a fresh batch of problems to deal with. First, he must lead a motley crew of adventurers on a quest to capture a baby dragon... ... and then save them from the incensed parent dragons. Next, the City Guard is desperate to find out what makes him tick... even if it means disassembly with a blunt axe. And finally, our robot hero must foil an invasion by two foreign navies and prevent five kingdoms from starting an all-out war. If only those vengeful dragons, gigantic sea serpents and a cadre of drunken dwarves weren't determined to make his life even more difficult! A Butt of Heads is book two in the Robot vs Dragons trilogy. A Portion of Dragon and Chips is book one, and it must be read first to maximise your enjoyment. All three books are also available in unabridged audio editions. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book two in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels, naval warfare, sailing ship battles
Author: Simon Haynes
Publisher: Bowman Press
ISBN:
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 970
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Book Description
Contains Hal Spacejock books 7-9 plus Albion. Hal Spacejock 7: Big Bang A house clearance job sounds like easy money, but rising floodwaters, an unstable landscape and a surprise find are going to make life very difficult for Hal and Clunk. Hal Spacejock 8: Double Trouble Hal Spacejock lands on planet Alteia, where he's so distracted by his own problems that he forgets to collect Clunk from the luggage rack. Not to worry, because a couple of old friends free Clunk from the spaceport ... only to reveal a great big ulterior motive: they want him to join their gang... er, group. Meanwhile, Hal's remembered his trusty co-pilot at last ... but only because everyone's trying to kill him, and Clunk is big and metal and bulletproof-ish. Hal Spacejock 9: Max Damage Hal and Clunk answer a distress call, and they discover a fellow pilot stranded deep inside an asteroid field. Clunk is busy at the controls, dodging incoming rocks, so Hal dons a spacesuit, takes the jetbike and sets off on a heroic rescue mission. If he'd only known the trouble he was getting himself into, he wouldn't have bothered... Hal Spacejock: Albion Hal takes an odd call from a team of scientists, and minutes later he and Clunk are boarding a shuttle for the nearby orbiter. Turns out the scientists need some vital information, and only Hal can help. Before long he's embroiled in a new adventure, and this one's really dangerous. Albion is a novella set in the Hal Spacejock universe. This story follows directly after Hal Spacejock 8: Double Trouble, and should be read after that novel. Omnibus One and Omnibus Two are also available. Keywords: scific, british scifi, funny science fiction novel, science fiction action adventure humor, science fiction comedy adventure, science fiction books, scifi ebooks, scifi bargain, science fiction omnibus, robot books, red dawrf, box set, boxed set
Author: Simon Haynes
Publisher: Bowman Press
ISBN:
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 43
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Book Description
A barbarian, a halfling and a wizard walk into a bar ... Join Hurm, Runt and Father Mephistophiles as they struggle to save the hamlet of Yendour from a marauding dragon. High fantasy parody from the author of the Hal Spacejock series. This humorous fantasy short story contains dark humor, comedy off-screen violence, and no sex. The characters also feature in my new trilogy, starting with A Portion of Dragon and Chips. Keywords: funny books free, funny books for free, free sci fi fantasy books, free books sci fi fantasy, dragon books free, free dragon books, free fantasy books for adults
Author: Simon Haynes
Publisher: Bowman Press
ISBN:
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 274
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Book Description
A broken-down fugitive with nothing to lose, an arms dealer hiding a deadly secret and an elderly robot set to inherit a vast fortune ... it's a typical cargo job for freighter pilot Hal Spacejock and his offsider, Clunk. Baker's Dough features intense rivalry, sublime double-crosses and more greed than a free buffet.
Author: Simon Haynes
Publisher: Bowman Press
ISBN:
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 351
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Book Description
A mysterious sealed crate, a pair of shady mercenaries with more guns than brain cells and the amnesiac robot which may or may not be on a secret mission ... Only interstellar ignoramus Hal Spacejock and the unflappable Clunk could turn a straightforward cargo delivery into space opera with clowns. Three simmering planets, two cocky spacemen and one huge mess: Just Desserts, for your pleasure.
Author: Simon Haynes
Publisher: Bowman Press
ISBN:
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 322
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Book Description
Hal Spacejock lands on planet Alteia, where he's so distracted by his own problems that he forgets to collect Clunk from the luggage rack. Not to worry, because a couple of old friends free Clunk from the spaceport ... only to reveal a great big ulterior motive: they want him to join their gang ... er, group. Meanwhile, Hal's remembered his trusty co-pilot at last ... but only because everyone's trying to kill him, and Clunk is big and metal and bulletproof-ish. Set in the distant future, where humanity spans the galaxy and robots are second-class citizens, Double Trouble is the eighth novel in the Hal Spacejock series. Book nine, Max Damage, is currently in progress. Keywords: british scifi Hal Spacejock novels are self-contained, with a beginning, a middle and a proper ending. They're not sequels, they don't end on a cliffhanger, and you could start or end your journey with any book in the series. (Some events from earlier books are referenced in later ones, so it makes sense to read them in order, but it's not essential.) These comedy scifi novels are perfect for fans of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Doctor Who, Space Team, Space Police, and Red Dwarf.
Author: Anne McCaffrey
Publisher: Del Rey
ISBN: 0345502523
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 321
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Book Description
NATIONAL BESTSELLER • “Captivating . . . The McCaffreys are well known for their brilliant characterizations, and they do not disappoint here.”—Booklist In Fort Hold, a clutch of fire-lizard eggs is about to hatch, and Lord Bemin’s beautiful young daughter, Koriana, is determined to Impress one of the delightful creatures. At the hatching, apprentice harper Kindan Impresses a fire-lizard of his own . . . and wins the heart of Koriana. But Lord Bemin mistrusts harpers and will not hear of a match between his daughter and the low-born Kindan. Then fate intervenes in the form of a virulent plague as fast-spreading as it is deadly. Arising suddenly, as if out of nowhere, the contagion decimates hold after hold, paying no heed to distinctions of birth. In this feverish crucible, friendship and love will be tested to the breaking point and beyond. For with Threadfall scant years away, the Dragonriders dare not expose themselves to infection, and it will fall to Kindan and his fellow apprentices to bravely search for a cure and save humanity. “Strong storytelling and compelling drama, along with memorable characters.”—Library Journal
