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Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1310505667
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 161
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Book Description
Celebrating the best of fart fiction, Donald Rump weaves together ten flatulent tales of love, betrayal, flesh-eating cannibals, and everyone's favorite green gas, that are sure to blow you away. Intended for mature (and not so mature) audiences. Over 100 pages (approximately 32,000 words). BOTTLING FARTS Could the greatest power… The path to riches beyond our wildest imagination… The key to reaching the highest level of spiritual awareness and happiness… …be obtained by bottling farts??? THE CHAPPED-ASS CRITIC Zack Pimpton's ass never felt worse, and it doesn't help that his doctor is a part time comedian. Unfortunately, Zack is quite the bastard himself and accidentally says the wrong thing that causes the mild-mannered doctor to snap. GOING DUTCH Barnabus Prim has reached the end of his rope. Drowning in debt and married to an obnoxious wife who can't stand the sight of him, he decides to do the unthinkable. But finding a way to the afterlife proves more difficult than he imagined. MARRIAGE STINKS Mackelroy Puggsley thought he'd heard everything until an odd man named Bilby Bloob shows up in the DMV lobby one morning. When Bilby demands a marriage license for his gassy wife, the old man puts his foot down. Sure, it's one thing to marry your high school sweetheart, but a fart? Who in the world marries farts? GASTROINTESTINAL BLUES Since leaving his posh position at the Department of Motor Vehicles, Mackelroy Puggsley thought he'd smelled the last psychotic fart that nearly killed him. But in his new role as a psychologist, he quickly realizes that the problem is more widespread than he thought. Will a crazed client and his two gassy brides prevent the old man from getting one last piece of nookie before he dies? Or will Mackelroy talk his way out of another hazardous situation and live to see another hair pie? THE WOULD BE ASTRONAUT Hank Larmspitz has a plan. Well, sort of. He's going to be the first man on the moon, dagnabbit, and he's going to do it without the aid of a space suit or even a space ship. THE $500 QUESTION Perkins Deadwood can't believe his ears. His twelve-year-old son just asked for a pet fart for Christmas. And not just any fart, a Spanish fart. Hay caramba! Can the used car salesman talk his son out of it? Or is this Christmas really going to stink? FINDING FLOOFY When a man falls head over heels for a murderous fart, he has difficulty coping with her mysterious departure. Was it something he said? Something he did? Was his penis too small? None of it makes any sense. "I will find you, my darling Floofy. Even if it's the last thing I do!" TILL DEATH DO US FART Helen Hubbard's fears have finally been confirmed. During brunch one morning in her favorite restaurant, her husband Gary confesses to cheating on her, and is ready to leave at a moment's notice. When she pries deeper into the matter, she discovers more about his mysterious lover Muffy than she cares to know. “So you’re leaving me for a fart???” Helen exclaimed. WEEKEND GETAWAY When Martin Dollop and Arthur Bodine set off for a romantic vacation in the islands, they have no idea what they're in for. Now rotting away in a Mexican jail cell, it appears that they've reached the end of their rope. Even the pinche guard won't do them the honor of putting a bullet in their heads, and offers each a shot of poison to end their suffering. Will the two lovebirds cash in on their free weekend getaway and make things right between them? Or will the doomed couple kill each other in the process? BONUS! Also includes the bonus story I Am Fart.
Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1310505667
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 161
Get Book Here
Book Description
Celebrating the best of fart fiction, Donald Rump weaves together ten flatulent tales of love, betrayal, flesh-eating cannibals, and everyone's favorite green gas, that are sure to blow you away. Intended for mature (and not so mature) audiences. Over 100 pages (approximately 32,000 words). BOTTLING FARTS Could the greatest power… The path to riches beyond our wildest imagination… The key to reaching the highest level of spiritual awareness and happiness… …be obtained by bottling farts??? THE CHAPPED-ASS CRITIC Zack Pimpton's ass never felt worse, and it doesn't help that his doctor is a part time comedian. Unfortunately, Zack is quite the bastard himself and accidentally says the wrong thing that causes the mild-mannered doctor to snap. GOING DUTCH Barnabus Prim has reached the end of his rope. Drowning in debt and married to an obnoxious wife who can't stand the sight of him, he decides to do the unthinkable. But finding a way to the afterlife proves more difficult than he imagined. MARRIAGE STINKS Mackelroy Puggsley thought he'd heard everything until an odd man named Bilby Bloob shows up in the DMV lobby one morning. When Bilby demands a marriage license for his gassy wife, the old man puts his foot down. Sure, it's one thing to marry your high school sweetheart, but a fart? Who in the world marries farts? GASTROINTESTINAL BLUES Since leaving his posh position at the Department of Motor Vehicles, Mackelroy Puggsley thought he'd smelled the last psychotic fart that nearly killed him. But in his new role as a psychologist, he quickly realizes that the problem is more widespread than he thought. Will a crazed client and his two gassy brides prevent the old man from getting one last piece of nookie before he dies? Or will Mackelroy talk his way out of another hazardous situation and live to see another hair pie? THE WOULD BE ASTRONAUT Hank Larmspitz has a plan. Well, sort of. He's going to be the first man on the moon, dagnabbit, and he's going to do it without the aid of a space suit or even a space ship. THE $500 QUESTION Perkins Deadwood can't believe his ears. His twelve-year-old son just asked for a pet fart for Christmas. And not just any fart, a Spanish fart. Hay caramba! Can the used car salesman talk his son out of it? Or is this Christmas really going to stink? FINDING FLOOFY When a man falls head over heels for a murderous fart, he has difficulty coping with her mysterious departure. Was it something he said? Something he did? Was his penis too small? None of it makes any sense. "I will find you, my darling Floofy. Even if it's the last thing I do!" TILL DEATH DO US FART Helen Hubbard's fears have finally been confirmed. During brunch one morning in her favorite restaurant, her husband Gary confesses to cheating on her, and is ready to leave at a moment's notice. When she pries deeper into the matter, she discovers more about his mysterious lover Muffy than she cares to know. “So you’re leaving me for a fart???” Helen exclaimed. WEEKEND GETAWAY When Martin Dollop and Arthur Bodine set off for a romantic vacation in the islands, they have no idea what they're in for. Now rotting away in a Mexican jail cell, it appears that they've reached the end of their rope. Even the pinche guard won't do them the honor of putting a bullet in their heads, and offers each a shot of poison to end their suffering. Will the two lovebirds cash in on their free weekend getaway and make things right between them? Or will the doomed couple kill each other in the process? BONUS! Also includes the bonus story I Am Fart.
Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1540113698
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 49
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Book Description
I’ve no idea what’s going in that pea-brained mind of yours. Perhaps it’s all that crack you’ve been smoking. Who knows? And who cares? You are a scoundrel after all, so it isn’t hard to see your angle. Now you’ve set your sites on the ugliest girl in the room, if not on earth. Even though you’ve set the bar low—way low—you’re not sure how to proceed. Perhaps you could use some advice before pissing your precious time and money away? Good, for I have just the thing for you. From one scoundrel to another… Approximately 11,000 words.
Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1311810404
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 155
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Book Description
Diez historias de amor, traición y ese gas verde favorito de todos en un inolvidable volumen. Para lectores adultos (maduros o no). Aproximadamente 30.000 palabras. EMBOTELLANDO PEDOS ¿Podría el poder más grande... El camino a la riqueza, más allá de nuestra imaginación más salvaje... La clave para alcanzar el más alto nivel de conciencia espiritual y la felicidad... ... Ser obtenido por pedos embotellado??? --Es nuestro secreto... --Vlad le dijo al niño pequeño. --Usa el poder con cuidado... EL CRITICO ENCULADO El culo de Zack Pimpton nunca ha estado peor, y el hecho de que el médico sea un comediante a tiempo parcial no ayuda. Por desgracia, Zack es bastante cabrón y dice lo que no debe, haciendo que el buen doctor se ponga furioso. A PUNTO DE REVENTAR Barnabus Prim ha llegado al final del camino. Ahogado en deudas y casado con una mujer odiosa que no puede ni verlo, decide hacer lo impensable. Pero encontrar el camino al más allá resulta mucho más difícil de lo que él había imaginado. EL MATRIMONIO APESTA Mackelroy Puggsley creía haberlo oído todo, hasta que un extraño hombre llamado Bilby Bloob se aparece en su vestíbulo una mañana. Cuando Bilby le pide un permiso de matrimonio para su gaseosa esposa, el viejo pone el freno. Sí, una cosa es casarte con tu novia de la secundaria, pero ¿con un pedo? ¿A quién se le puede ocurrir casarse con un pedo? --No me iré a ningún lado hasta que nos dé un permiso de matrimonio --insisitó Bilby. --¿Ah, sí? --Mackelroy se hizo sonar los nudillos. HASTA QUE EL GRAN PEDO NOS SEPARE Los temores de Helen Hubbard finalmente se han confirmado. Una mañana, durante el almuerzo en su restaurante favorito, su esposo Gary le confiesa que la ha estado engañando, y está listo para abandonarla en un instante. Cuando ella hurga en el asunto, descubre más de lo que quería saber sobre Muffy, la misteriosa amante de él. "¿¿¿Entonces me estás dejando por un pedo???", exclamó Helen. LA PREGUNTA DE 500 DÓLARES Perkins Deadwood no puede dar crédito a sus oídos. Su hijo de doce años acaba de pedirle para Navidad un pedo mascota. Y no cualquier pedo: un pedo español. ¡Ay, caramba! ¿Podrá disuadir a su hijo el vendedor de autos usados? ¿O será esta Navidad realmente apestosa? ESCAPADA DE FIN DE SEMANA Cuando Martin Dollop y Arthur Bodine parten para unas vacaciones románticas en las islas, no tienen idea de lo que les espera. Ahora se pudren en una celda de una cárcel mexicana y parece que han llegado al final del camino. Hasta el pinche guardia no les hará el honor de meterles una bala en la cabeza y les ofrece un poco de veneno para acabar con su sufrimiento. ¿Podrán los tórtolos concretar su escapada gratis de fin de semana y hacer las paces? ¿O acabarán los condenados matándose entre sí en el proceso? BUSCANDO A FLOOFY Cuando un hombre se enamora perdidamente de un pedo asesino, le resulta difícil aceptar su misteriosa partida. ¿Fue algo que dijo? ¿Algo que hizo? ¿Era su pene demasiado pequeño? Nada tiene sentido. "Te encontraré, mi querida Floofy. ¡Aunque sea lo último que haga!" EL ASPIRANTE A PEDONAUTA Hank Larmspitz tiene un plan. Bueno, más o menos. Va a ser el primer hombre en la luna, maldita sea, y va a hacerlo sin la ayuda de un traje espacial o incluso de una nave espacial. ¿Qué tiene en mente exactamente? Dan Dinkerleaf, un reportero local de KAAS-LD en Eureeka, quiere averiguarlo. Y cuando descubre las verdaderas intenciones de Hank, eso pone a prueba su paciencia. "¿En serio?", espeta. "¿No le parece que su teoría es... oh, no sé... implausible?" "Preste atención y tal vez aprenda algo." Hank hace sonar los nudillos y saca una ración de su marca favorita. PÚBLICO CAUTIVO Tres hombres, una secretaria rubia, un ascensor atascado y una serie de pedos horribles y letales. ¿Qué podría salir mal?
Author: Megan McDonald
Publisher: Candlewick Press
ISBN: 0763651885
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 121
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Book Description
In honor of Judy Moody's younger "bother," the creators of the award-winning series have put themselves in a very Stink-y mood. Shrink, shrank, shrunk! Every morning, Judy Moody measures Stink and it's always the same: three feet, eight inches tall. Stink feels like even the class newt is growing faster than he is. Then, one day, the ruler reads -- can it be? -- three feet, seven and three quarters inches! Is Stink shrinking? He tries everything to look like he’s growing, but wearing up-and-down stripes and spiking his hair aren't fooling anyone into thinking he's taller. If only he could ask James Madison -- Stink's hero, and the shortest person ever to serve as President of the United States. In Stink's first solo adventure, his special style comes through loud and strong -- enhanced by a series of comic strips, drawn by Stink himself, which are sprinkled throughout the book. From "The Adventures of Stink in SHRINK MONSTER" to "The Adventures of Stink in NEWT IN SHINING ARMOR," these very funny, homespun sagas reflect the familiar voice of a kid who pictures himself with super powers to deal with the travails of everyday life -- including the occasional teasing of a bossy big sister!
Author: Paige Braddock
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 1449470254
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 128
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Book Description
Sometimes big stories happen in small places. Sometimes big things happen to small creatures. This is one of those stories . . . Cecil is a toad. A toad busy doing what any other toad does with its days--judging the pond splashing contest (Reggie the fly is usually the honorary winner by dint of his five-day lifespan), or visiting his friends, Jeff the free-range hamster, Rayray the lizard, Jeremy the worm, or Sprout the frog. And, of course, trying to keep clear of the local hawk. But when Cecil discovers a freeway construction project aimed right at the pond, he knows he has to come up with a plan to save his home. But what can a small group of amphibians and a reincarnating fly do against construction vehicles and a steady onslaught of hot asphalt? Cecil isn't sure, but he knows they have to try.
Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1624544932
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 33
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Book Description
Mackelroy Puggsley thought he'd heard it all until an odd man named Bilby Bloob shows up in his lobby one morning. When Bilby demands a marriage license for his gassy wife, the old man puts his foot down. Sure, it's one thing to marry your high school sweetheart, but a fart? Who in the world marries a fart? "Well I'm not going anywhere until you give us a marriage license," Bilby insists. "Is that so?" Mackelroy cracks his knuckles. Marriage Stinks is a work of fart fiction, approximately 3,600 words in length.
Author: El Ninjo
Publisher: Speedy Publishing LLC
ISBN: 1635018412
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 271
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Book Description
Gross Out Book: Funny Kids Books Ages 4-10 Best Graphic Novels For Kids Fart Book Volume 1 Let me introduce myself. My name is El Ninjo and I am the master butt whistler because I simply can not resist exposing my family with my expressive face-melting fart clouds! I guarantee, you and your kids will LOL at this funny fart book with more than 20 blasting bean blowing illustrations and booming fart situations. Yes, I am the true master of bottom burping crashes, and I am going to impress you with my creative windy ways. I will not only show you every vapor blowing cloud trick that I have in my inventory, but I will also make sure to show you how to apply each individual gassy butt whistling fart rocket situation to your own benefit! The list of bottom belching and flatulent fart situations goes like this: The Wake Upper Popper The Straight Up Breakfast Table Shot The Flying Carpet The Backpack Burster The Neighbor Detonator The Imaginary Bone Shot Or Fart Expressionism The Lego Blower The Eruption In The Chicken Coop The Hand Stinker The Marshmallow Shooter The Stinky Tsunami The Sand Storm Exploder The Invisible Electric Fence Destroyer The Domino Bomber The Steamy Sweat Blanket Pooper... ...and many more steamy bean blowing fart episodes If you love Fun Stories For Kids: Books For Boys - Dog Humor - Fart Book & Gross Out Book with Cartoons, Fart Trick, Fart Gag & Fart Fantasy Adventures, check out this pant ripping Fart Book series! Purchase my Fart Book right now for your kids and have some fun tonight at bedtime or whenever the situation calls for some hilarious and fun kid stories and pictures.
Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1624544959
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 72
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Book Description
CRITICAL ACCLAIM "…absurd, rude, vulgar and better than I expected it to be." --S.J. Nolan "Seriously if someone needs a laugh, I highly recommend this book." --Cinisajoy "What man doesn't think flatulence is still an important, interesting, entertaining, even exciting aspect of our everyday lives? A man who hasn't been taught the fine art of bottling a fart, that's who." --Angry Games PRODUCT DESCRIPTION Celebrating the best of fart fiction, Donald Rump brings you four flatulent tales of love, betrayal and everyone's favorite green gas in one unforgettable volume. Intended for mature audiences. Approximately 11,000 words in all. BOTTLING FARTS Could the greatest power… The path to riches beyond our wildest imagination… The key to reaching the highest level of spiritual awareness and happiness… …be obtained by bottling farts??? "Shh…it's our secret…" Vlad told the little boy. "Use the power wisely…" THE CHAPPED-ASS CRITIC Zack Pimpton's ass never felt worse, and it doesn't help that his doctor is a part time comedian. Unfortunately, Zack is quite the bastard himself and accidentally says the wrong thing that causes the mild-mannered doctor to snap. GOING DUTCH Barnabus Prim has reached the end of his rope. Drowning in debt and married to an obnoxious wife who can't stand the sight of him, he decides to do the unthinkable. But finding a way to the afterlife proves more difficult than he imagined. MARRIAGE STINKS Mackelroy Puggsley thought he'd heard everything until an odd man named Bilby Bloob shows up in the DMV lobby one morning. When Bilby demands a marriage license for his gassy wife, the old man puts his foot down. Sure, it's one thing to marry your high school sweetheart, but a fart? Who in the world marries farts? BONUS! Four Stinky Stories Vol. 1 includes the bonus story I Am Fart (approximately 1,130 words).
Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN:
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 32
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Book Description
VLAD WIECKOWSKY has never smelled worse! Fresh off a plane from Honolulu, which surprisingly didn't crash, it doesn't take long before trouble finds him. But that's nothing a few, nice, timely, juicy air biscuits can't fix. Or not... Approximately 3,000 words.
Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1311578579
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 28
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Book Description
Three men, one blonde secretary, a jammed up elevator, and a series of ghastly, deadly farts. What could possibly go wrong? Intended for mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 3,600 words.
