Lies My Mother Told Me

Lies My Mother Told Me PDF Author: Melissa Rivers
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 164293741X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 202

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Book Description
If you think Joan Rivers said funny, outrageous, and ridiculous things ONSTAGE, wait ’til you read the funny, outrageous, and ridiculous things she said OFFSTAGE…things that will make you laugh out loud…and keep Melissa in therapy for the foreseeable future. The only thing my mother loved more than making people laugh was lying…or as she’d say, “embellishing.” Her motto was: “Why let the truth ruin a good story?” This book contains some of those stories. ***************** “When Joan told a story, the truth disappeared faster than I did.” — Jimmy Hoffa “If you thought Dante’s Inferno was hot, read Lies My Mother Told Me; it’s a five-alarmer.” — Dante’s second wife, Allie “Twelve of my twenty-six personalities loved this book.” — Sybil “The words on the page absolutely crackle and spark; I burned my fingers reading it!” — Annie Sullivan “The Bible may be the good book, but Lies My Mother Told Me is way funnier.” — Matthew 2:14 The Jets. 7 “Lies My Mother Told Me is the feel-good book of 2022.” — Torquemada “All’s not well that ends well. I’ve had massages with happier endings.” — Wm. Shakespeare “Melissa, I don’t care what your mother said in this book, I LOVE your bangs.” — Mamie Eisenhower “Lies My Mother Told Me is so funny even those ‘woke’ m***********s will laugh.” — Lenny Bruce

Lies My Mother Told Me

Lies My Mother Told Me PDF Author: Melissa Rivers
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 164293741X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 202

Get Book

Book Description
If you think Joan Rivers said funny, outrageous, and ridiculous things ONSTAGE, wait ’til you read the funny, outrageous, and ridiculous things she said OFFSTAGE…things that will make you laugh out loud…and keep Melissa in therapy for the foreseeable future. The only thing my mother loved more than making people laugh was lying…or as she’d say, “embellishing.” Her motto was: “Why let the truth ruin a good story?” This book contains some of those stories. ***************** “When Joan told a story, the truth disappeared faster than I did.” — Jimmy Hoffa “If you thought Dante’s Inferno was hot, read Lies My Mother Told Me; it’s a five-alarmer.” — Dante’s second wife, Allie “Twelve of my twenty-six personalities loved this book.” — Sybil “The words on the page absolutely crackle and spark; I burned my fingers reading it!” — Annie Sullivan “The Bible may be the good book, but Lies My Mother Told Me is way funnier.” — Matthew 2:14 The Jets. 7 “Lies My Mother Told Me is the feel-good book of 2022.” — Torquemada “All’s not well that ends well. I’ve had massages with happier endings.” — Wm. Shakespeare “Melissa, I don’t care what your mother said in this book, I LOVE your bangs.” — Mamie Eisenhower “Lies My Mother Told Me is so funny even those ‘woke’ m***********s will laugh.” — Lenny Bruce

Summary of Melissa Rivers's Lies My Mother Told Me

Summary of Melissa Rivers's Lies My Mother Told Me PDF Author: Everest Media,
Publisher: Everest Media LLC
ISBN: 1669390454
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 46

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Book Description
Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book. Sample Book Insights: #1 A Jewish family today has two children. It wasn’t always like this. A hundred years ago, Jews, like everyone else, had lots of children. It was not uncommon for a woman to have ten or eleven children. #2 The author continued to explain that in the early 1920s, the New York Yankees had a first baseman named Wally Pipp. Wally was good, not great, but fine. Like an opening act in Vegas, he did the job. But one afternoon, Wally wasn’t feeling well, so he told the manager he couldn’t play. #3 I had many aunts and uncles that were not really my relatives, but close friends and business associates of my parents. I loved them all, and they meant the world to me and my parents. #4 I learned that my uncle was gay when I was seven or eight. I was playing with my Barbie doll, and I wanted to show my uncle how beautiful she looked in her gold evening gown. Instead of saying something nice, he laughed and said, Flats are for informal, casual occasions. They go well with sundresses, culottes, or Capri pants, à la Mary Tyler Moore on The Dick Van Dyke Show.

Joan Rivers Confidential

Joan Rivers Confidential PDF Author: Melissa Rivers
Publisher: Abrams
ISBN: 1683351320
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 342

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Book Description
“A gorgeous scrapbook of the late icon’s life—featuring clippings, letters, and dozens of finely honed quips from her famous-joke files.” —Vanity Fair Joan Rivers is an enduring icon of the twentieth century, and her wildly popular humor has appealed to generations of fans. With a career that began in the late 1950s, Joan kept mementos over the course of her entire working life, and Joan Rivers Confidential is a compilation of never-before-seen personal archives. Assembled by her daughter Melissa with Scott Currie, the book contains scripts and monologues, letters from famous friends, exchanges with fans, rare photographs, as well as classic and never-before-heard jokes—many simply scribbled on everything from hotel stationery to airplane boarding passes. Touching on subjects from her 50 years in show business (The Tonight Show, Las Vegas, Elizabeth Taylor, Heidi Abromowitz, the red carpet, and Fashion Police), this is a revelatory and humor-filled insider look at the popular, multitalented comedian. “It’s easy to forget, in this era of Amy Schumer and Sarah Silverman, how revolutionary it was for a meticulously coiffed, nice Jewish girl from Brooklyn—born in 1933!—to get up onstage and crack jokes about hookers, the Holocaust, and her vagina. What fun it is to be reminded.” —W Magazine “From joke cards and contracts to personal letters from pals like Nancy Reagan and Prince Charles, Rivers’ mountain of memorabilia was mostly sealed and largely unseen—until now.” —Women’s Wear Daily “For fans, this is a gold mine. For others who are simply curious about this unstoppable force, it’s a fun, loving tribute.” —Southern Jewish Life

The Book of Joan

The Book of Joan PDF Author: Melissa Rivers
Publisher: Crown Archetype
ISBN: 110190383X
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 304

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Book Description
This New York Times bestseller is a hilarious and inspiring tribute to the iconic comedian Joan Rivers by the person who knew her best--her daughter, Melissa. Joan and Melissa Rivers had one of the most celebrated mother-daughter relationships of all time. If you think Joan said some outrageous things to her audiences as a comedian, you won’t believe what she said and did in private. Her love for her daughter knew no bounds—or boundaries, apparently. ("Melissa, I acknowledge that you have boundaries. I just choose to not respect them.") In The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief and Manipulation, Melissa shares stories (like when she was nine months old and her parents delivered her to Johnny Carson as a birthday gift), bon mots (“Missy, is there anything better than seeing a really good looking couple pushing a baby that looks like a Sasquatch who got caught in a house fire?”), and life lessons from growing up in the Rosenberg-Rivers household (“I can do tips and discounts and figure out the number of gay men in an audience to make it a good show. That’s all the math you’ll ever need.”). These were just the tip of the iceberg when it came to life in the family that Melissa describes as more Addams than Cleaver. And at the center of it all was a tiny blond force of nature. In The Book of Joan, Melissa Rivers relates funny, poignant and irreverent observations, thoughts, and tales about the woman who raised her and is the reason she considers valium one of the four basic food groups.

I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me

I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me PDF Author: Joan Rivers
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 1101580887
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 272

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Book Description
“An entertaining rant…The only thing missing is the sound of a drumroll and cymbals to feel as though one is sitting in a nightclub watching a live comedy marathon…A raucous, biting look at life.”—Kirkus Reviews “Nobody, but nobody, can hate like Joan Rivers. It is a gift. It is also shocking, the things she makes us laugh at…Joan Rivers is extraordinary, but she's not for the easily offended—or for anyone who gets offended at all.”—People Joan Rivers, comedienne, actress, jewelry monger, and an award-winning international star (she can sneer in eight different languages) lives by her own golden rule: Do unto others before they do unto you—and for God’s sakes, do it funny! Her career in comedy may have begun with self-loathing, but, after looking at the human decrepitude around her, she figured Why stop here when there are so many other things to hate? With all of her diverse experiences, Joan has looked down at, turned away from, and thrown up over a lot of hateful things, deplorable places, and despicable people. Thank God she took notes. Here—uncensored and uninhibited—Joan says exactly what’s on her mind…And HER mind is a terrible thing to waste. She proudly kicks the crap out of ugly children, dating rituals, funerals, and lousy restaurants. She nails First Ladies, closet cases, and hypocrites to the wall. She shows no mercy towards doctors and feminists, and even goes after Anne Frank and Stephen Hawking. Joan lets everyone—including herself—have it in this one hundred percent honest and unabashedly hilarious love letter to the hater in all of us.

Diary of a Mad Diva

Diary of a Mad Diva PDF Author: Joan Rivers
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 1101632046
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 321

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Book Description
From the headline-making, New York Times bestselling author of I Hate Everyone...Starting With Me comes another intimate glimpse into the delightfully hilarious mind of Joan Rivers. When her daughter Melissa gives her a diary for Christmas, at first Joan is horrified—who the hell does Melissa think she is? That fat pig, Bridget Jones? But as Joan, being both beautiful and introspective, begins to record her day-to-day musings, she realizes she has a lot to say. About everything. And everyone, God help them. The result? A no-holds-barred, delightfully vicious and always hilarious look at the everyday life of the ultimate diva. Follow Joan on a family vacation in Mexico and on trips between New York and Los Angeles where she mingles with the stars, never missing a beat as she delivers blistering critiques on current events, and excoriating insights about life, pop culture, and celebrities (from A to D list), all in her relentlessly funny signature style. This is the Diary of a Mad Diva. Forget about Anais Nin, Anne Frank, and Sylvia Plath. For the first time in a century, a diary by someone that’s actually worth reading.

Still Talking

Still Talking PDF Author: Joan Rivers
Publisher: Vintage
ISBN: 9780712655712
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 314

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Book Description


Dear Reader

Dear Reader PDF Author: Cathy Rentzenbrink
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
ISBN: 1509891536
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 176

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Book Description
From the Sunday Times bestselling author of The Last Act of Love, Cathy Rentzenbrink's Dear Reader is the ultimate love letter to reading and to finding the comfort and joy in stories. 'Exquisite' - Marian Keyes, author of Grown Ups 'A warm, unpretentious manifesto for why books matter’ - Sunday Express Growing up, Cathy Rentzenbrink was rarely seen without her nose in a book and read in secret long after lights out. When tragedy struck, it was books that kept her afloat. Eventually they lit the way to a new path, first as a bookseller and then as a writer. No matter what the future holds, reading will always help. A moving, funny and joyous exploration of how books can change the course of your life, packed with recommendations from one reader to another.

Stubborn Archivist

Stubborn Archivist PDF Author: Yara Rodrigues Fowler
Publisher:
ISBN: 0358006082
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 399

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Book Description
A young British -Brazilian woman from South London navigates growing up between two cultures and into a fuller understanding of her body, relying on signposts such as history, family conversation, and the eyes of the women who have shaped her: mother, grandmother, and aunt. During her trips to Brazil, sometimes alone, often with family, our narrator accesses a different side of herself that is as much of who she is as anything else. -- adapted from back cover

Love, Lucas

Love, Lucas PDF Author: Chantele Sedgwick
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1634500032
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 280

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Book Description
A 2015 Whitney Award Nominee! A powerful story of loss, second chances, and first love, reminiscent of Sarah Dessen and John Green. When Oakley Nelson loses her older brother, Lucas, to cancer, she thinks she’ll never recover. Between her parents’ arguing and the battle she’s fighting with depression, she feels nothing inside but a hollow emptiness. When Mom suggests they spend a few months in California with Aunt Jo, Oakley isn’t sure a change of scenery will alter anything, but she’s willing to give it a try. In California, Oakley discovers a sort of safety and freedom in Aunt Jo’s beach house. Once they’re settled, Mom hands her a notebook full of letters addressed to her—from Lucas. As Oakley reads one each day, she realizes how much he loved her, and each letter challenges her to be better and to continue to enjoy her life. He wants her to move on. If only it were that easy. But then a surfer named Carson comes into her life, and Oakley is blindsided. He makes her feel again. As she lets him in, she is surprised by how much she cares for him, and that’s when things get complicated. How can she fall in love and be happy when Lucas never got the chance to do those very same things? With her brother’s dying words as guidance, Oakley knows she must learn to listen and trust again. But will she have to leave the past behind to find happiness in the future? Sky Pony Press, with our Good Books, Racehorse and Arcade imprints, is proud to publish a broad range of books for young readers—picture books for small children, chapter books, books for middle grade readers, and novels for young adults. Our list includes bestsellers for children who love to play Minecraft; stories told with LEGO bricks; books that teach lessons about tolerance, patience, and the environment, and much more. While not every title we publish becomes a New York Times bestseller or a national bestseller, we are committed to books on subjects that are sometimes overlooked and to authors whose work might not otherwise find a home.