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Author: Rita Rudner
Publisher: Crown Archetype
ISBN: 0307449475
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 274
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Book Description
I bought a new wrinkle cream. If you use it once a day, you look younger in a month. Twice a day, you look younger in two weeks. I ate it. As the years go by, and the decades begin to pile up, people will do just about anything to reverse the signs of aging: LASIK surgery, industrial-strength hair dye, seven consecutive forty-ninth birthday parties. Rita Rudner is no exception. When she turned fifty, she couldn’t even bear to say the word. In I Still Have It . . . I Just Can’t Remember Where I Put It, Rudner writes with humor and candor about all of the small indignities and everyday absurdities that have become standard fare. From the perils of catalog-ordering addiction to the challenges of keeping up with the latest in electronics, lingerie, and reality television to the joys and worries of being an older mother to the long search for the perfect retirement house, Rita covers it all. So put on your bifocals and power up your sense of humor! Just don’t blame Rita when your laugh lines get visibly deeper. Refreshingly honest and undeniably hilarious, I Still Have It . . . I Just Can’t Remember Where I Put It is a laugh-out-loud look at the wonders and the surprises of life on the dark side of fifty.
Author: Rita Rudner
Publisher: Crown Archetype
ISBN: 0307449475
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 274
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Book Description
I bought a new wrinkle cream. If you use it once a day, you look younger in a month. Twice a day, you look younger in two weeks. I ate it. As the years go by, and the decades begin to pile up, people will do just about anything to reverse the signs of aging: LASIK surgery, industrial-strength hair dye, seven consecutive forty-ninth birthday parties. Rita Rudner is no exception. When she turned fifty, she couldn’t even bear to say the word. In I Still Have It . . . I Just Can’t Remember Where I Put It, Rudner writes with humor and candor about all of the small indignities and everyday absurdities that have become standard fare. From the perils of catalog-ordering addiction to the challenges of keeping up with the latest in electronics, lingerie, and reality television to the joys and worries of being an older mother to the long search for the perfect retirement house, Rita covers it all. So put on your bifocals and power up your sense of humor! Just don’t blame Rita when your laugh lines get visibly deeper. Refreshingly honest and undeniably hilarious, I Still Have It . . . I Just Can’t Remember Where I Put It is a laugh-out-loud look at the wonders and the surprises of life on the dark side of fifty.
Author: Rita Rudner
Publisher: Crown
ISBN: 9780307394606
Category : Aging
Languages : en
Pages : 0
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Book Description
While there are people who actually embrace getting older (although we confess not to know any) most try to deny it. Rita Rudner is no exception. When she reached 50, she couldn't even bear to admit it: "It was more comfortable getting a laugh and telling people I was filthy than having to say the word fffiffffty," she writes. In her hysterically dead-on book I Still Have It...I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It, she relates her absurd adventures as a woman of a certain age navigating the strange and terrifyingly funny world of "near-sighted insights." In chapters such as "Artificially Hip"; "Older Than Springtime, Younger Than Angela Lansbury"; "I Won't Blog, Don't Ask Me"; and "The Advantage of Vintage," Rudner tackles body issues, style, and technology, and looks at the wonders and surprises of life on the dark side of 50. So put on your bifocals and get ready to laugh. Just don't blame Rita if your laugh lines become visibly deeper. "Sexy deadpan is comedian Rita Rudner's trademark style, never more in evidence than in I Still Have It ... I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It ... Pure vaudeville, a kick at any age."--O, The Oprah Magazine
Author: Jenna McCarthy
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 0698145860
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 335
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Book Description
Welcome to Middle Age! Please check your functioning internal thermostat and razor-sharp memory at the door and pour yourself a nice, stiff drink... Jenna McCarthy might be forty-something, but she doesn’t feel forty-something. She certainly doesn’t look forty-something. (Actually she does, but she’s in denial so maybe don’t mention it?) And between complaining about how tired she is, trying to remember what she came in here for and wondering whether she drinks too much, she does not have time for a crisis. She has, however, had time to crack the mysterious midlife code. She’s figured out how to tame her muffin top, keep the spark in her marriage and probably not die a fiery hoarder’s death. She’s learned the trick to looking ten years younger and the secret to feeling ten times happier (and it only cost $14.99 plus shipping and handling). And she’s discovered the one thing she will need to do for the rest of ever if she’s going to continue to refuse to “dress her age.” Tackling everything from cosmetic surgery and financial panic to skinny jeans and the meaning of life, I’ve Still Got It... is a middle age manifesto filled with hilarious misadventures, humiliating confessions and occasional (hot) flashes of genius.
Author:
Publisher:
ISBN:
Category : Campaign funds
Languages : en
Pages : 942
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Book Description
Author: Joe P. Plant
Publisher: Paragon Publishing
ISBN: 178222677X
Category : History
Languages : en
Pages : 400
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Book Description
MALAYA 16th. June 1948. Early in the morning, 3 murders of Rubber Planters took place. All within the area of Taiping Perak North Malaya. The names of the Planters were: - Mr. Arthur Walker. Manager of the Elphin Rubber Estate. and Mr J.M. Allison, along with Mr. I.D. Christian of the Phin Soon Rubber Estate. The two gangs of Murderers all Chinese, were Members of the Malaya Communist Party, under the then Party Chairman Chin Peng. Chin Peng had been trained and fought alongside the British Special Operations Executive Force 136. During the Japanese Occupation of Malaya from 1942 until 1945. Chin Peng’s objective was, to create a Communist Dictatorship in Malaya, after the cessation of hostilities. Then take over from the British Government in Malaya, The Malaya Communist Party, began to cause unrest creating strikes and acts of murder amongst the law-abiding Malayan people, whose population was mainly of Chinese origin. In February 1947. Under a Treaty arranged by the British Government. The Federated and Unfederated States of Malaya became one. Much against the Malayan Communist Party’s wishes. Retaliating, they creating more havoc and unrest amongst the civilians, until finally decided to. ‘Take up Arms’ against the British Government. The murders of the three Planters, had the British High Commissioner Sir. Edward Gent forced to take action. Initiated a State of Emergency in Perak, quickly followed throughout other States. Chin Peng ‘Declared War’ against the British. Subsequently, the atrocities spread throughout Malaya. The Civil Police were unable to control the speeding violence and mayhem. Necessitating, the existing British and Gurkha Troops to take control. Nevertheless, the Communist had taken their fight into the jungles of Malaya. Where for the next 12 years, a Bloody War took place. It was called ‘THE EMERGENCY’ by the British Government, due to the possible Insurance claims from both the Rubber Plantation and Tin Mines Owners. It cost the lives of 1,818. Commonwealth Forces. & 1,026 Federation of Malaya Police. Over the following 12 years, it is estimated that in excess of 22,000, lost their lives consisting of, Commonwealth Forces of the three Service’s, Federation of Malaya Police. Civilians, including the Chinese Communist Terrorist. Chin Peng survived, escaped with the remains of his beaten Army, numbering less than 400 across the Malay border into Thailand to remain an exile.
Author: Dana Crenshaw
Publisher: AuthorHouse
ISBN: 1449075282
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 354
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Book Description
The book is based on a truck driver who found the one thing in his life that made him look at life in a new bettrer way just by chance two should meet at that time was one of the best moments in his life as well as hers the time they spent together was not near enough but the memories they made would last him a lifetime and her love would never die in his heart the adventure the love that is told is real
Author:
Publisher:
ISBN:
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 902
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Book Description
Author: Perfection Learning Corporation
Publisher: Turtleback
ISBN: 9781663608192
Category :
Languages : en
Pages :
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Book Description
Author: Helen June White AKA Jasmine Inkwell
Publisher: Dorrance Publishing
ISBN: 1647022665
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 364
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Book Description
Crowded the Crowds By: Helen June White AKA Jasmine Inkwell Crowded the Crowds is a real-life horror story, one that Helen June White AKA Jasmine Inkwell has had to live for the last nine years of her life, as told in the first book, The Crowds, a book of encouragement, one that will inspire you to always reach for the stars, never giving up no matter the opposition, the wall that’s in front of you, and if you find that you’re just too weak from the battle, from crying all night long and you just can’t make it over that brick wall, find a way around it, even if you have to blow it up. Sometimes it’s hard to fight to breathe, but we must never give up. We are all fighting dragons and monsters, but with our faith, our God is bigger than any dragon, any monster, and any Goliath. Just hold and keep the faith.
Author: PJ
Publisher: Xlibris Corporation
ISBN: 1483679209
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 115
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Book Description
all units respond to sawn store on Jaybird rd they said its ugly out there and its getting uglier the caller said them bessemer boi's out there with choppers and pistols Man was da guy who was with jasper at the time of his accident he calling telling jroc & them bessemer boi's that its some brighton niggas trying 2 go in lil jasper pockets and take his bike while he knocked out on da ground bleeding badly the crowd grows bigger & violent cause them bessma niggas said aint nobody going in his pockets and who been trying 2 get his bike as they saying that some car lights hit the scene its his homie jrock he hopping out yelling at the crowd what happen to my homie and who trying to go in his pockets niggas I'll put 1 in yall stanky azz try it now jroc walks up to police going off on then tells the amublance driver yall hurry up and get him from over here with these niggas then the dispatcher call on the 2-way telling the ambulance driver hurry up and get the victim to UAB while the ambulance was on the interstate they was passed by deek he worried and crying he beats the ambulance to the hospital now he waiting on them to show up they get there and deek asking them what the hell took so long cause he came from work in mccall and still beat them 2 the hospital they unload lil jasper he looking bad they said it not looking good thats the word on da streets some said he lost his arm some said a leg and arm others was saying his head came off folks starting to show up at the hospital to find out bout lil jasper its crowded as hell its family and friends its so crowded until the nurse's came and asked who is he is he famous and as she was asking that a m/c came threw the door the nurse said look at the crowd
