How Not to Kill Your Baby PDF Download
Are you looking for read ebook online? Search for your book and save it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Download How Not to Kill Your Baby PDF full book. Access full book title How Not to Kill Your Baby by Jacob Sager Weinstein. Download full books in PDF and EPUB format.
Author: Jacob Sager Weinstein
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 1449410391
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 137
Get Book Here
Book Description
"This laugh-out-loud hilarious book is mandatory reading for parents, and should be taught in schools as the "cautionary tale" portion of Sex Ed. Run don't walk to buy it, and if you're a baby with lethal parents, crawl don't roll." --Rob Kutner (writer, The Daily Show, Conan, The Future According To Me) "Unlike babies themselves, copies of Jacob Sager Weinstein's book can be bought and sold on the open market. Buy two and bring joy and laughter to the lives of a copy-less couple." --Jose Arroyo (writer, Conan) "The "s-a-g-e" in Jacob's middle moniker indicates exactly that. He is a whimsically wise and hysterically funny fellow whom any child (or book buying adult) would be wise to listen to." --Dennis Miller "If you don't buy this book and then your baby dies, how are you going to feel? Pretty bad, I imagine." --Larry Doyle (writer, I Love You Beth Cooper; Go, Mutants!; The Simpsons) Have you ever read a parenting book that left you feeling inadequate and/or terrified? In other words, have you ever read any parenting book whatsoever? If so, you need How Not To Kill Your Baby, a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual you've ever cringed over. Just consider the following advice: * "As you know if you have ever seen someone give birth in a movie or television show, all newborns emerge with adorable round faces, pudgy limbs, and twinkling eyes. If, by contrast, the nurse hands you a tiny, squawling creature with the face of an old man and skin covered in goo, hand it back immediately. There has clearly been some sort of mixup with a nearby ward for senile midgets." * "It's essential that you keep careful track of your baby's every bodily function. That way, when she is president of the United States and a paranoid-minded conspiracy movement springs up denying her eligibility for the position, you will have documentary proof that she did, in fact, poop on U.S. soil at 8:23AM on February 23." * "When choosing a nursery school, make sure to visit first, and ask the teachers about their educational philosophies. Then ask about their criminal records. If they insist they have none, you may need to keep asking, perhaps while shining a bright light in their face. Also, take their fingerprints, then follow them home from a discreet distance and go through their trash. Oh, and don't forget to thank them for their dedication to helping the young!" * "It is easy to adjust your parenting techniques as your children grow: simply do and say the exact same things, but raise your voice by one decibel for every year of your child's age." How Not To Kill Your Baby is printed on child-safe, 100% piranha-free paper, and bound without the use of exploding staples. You'll get no such promise from What To Expect When You're Expecting. How Not To Kill Your Baby is the book for you... unless you're some kind of baby-hating creep who wants to parent all wrong.
Author: Jacob Sager Weinstein
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 1449410391
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 137
Get Book Here
Book Description
"This laugh-out-loud hilarious book is mandatory reading for parents, and should be taught in schools as the "cautionary tale" portion of Sex Ed. Run don't walk to buy it, and if you're a baby with lethal parents, crawl don't roll." --Rob Kutner (writer, The Daily Show, Conan, The Future According To Me) "Unlike babies themselves, copies of Jacob Sager Weinstein's book can be bought and sold on the open market. Buy two and bring joy and laughter to the lives of a copy-less couple." --Jose Arroyo (writer, Conan) "The "s-a-g-e" in Jacob's middle moniker indicates exactly that. He is a whimsically wise and hysterically funny fellow whom any child (or book buying adult) would be wise to listen to." --Dennis Miller "If you don't buy this book and then your baby dies, how are you going to feel? Pretty bad, I imagine." --Larry Doyle (writer, I Love You Beth Cooper; Go, Mutants!; The Simpsons) Have you ever read a parenting book that left you feeling inadequate and/or terrified? In other words, have you ever read any parenting book whatsoever? If so, you need How Not To Kill Your Baby, a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual you've ever cringed over. Just consider the following advice: * "As you know if you have ever seen someone give birth in a movie or television show, all newborns emerge with adorable round faces, pudgy limbs, and twinkling eyes. If, by contrast, the nurse hands you a tiny, squawling creature with the face of an old man and skin covered in goo, hand it back immediately. There has clearly been some sort of mixup with a nearby ward for senile midgets." * "It's essential that you keep careful track of your baby's every bodily function. That way, when she is president of the United States and a paranoid-minded conspiracy movement springs up denying her eligibility for the position, you will have documentary proof that she did, in fact, poop on U.S. soil at 8:23AM on February 23." * "When choosing a nursery school, make sure to visit first, and ask the teachers about their educational philosophies. Then ask about their criminal records. If they insist they have none, you may need to keep asking, perhaps while shining a bright light in their face. Also, take their fingerprints, then follow them home from a discreet distance and go through their trash. Oh, and don't forget to thank them for their dedication to helping the young!" * "It is easy to adjust your parenting techniques as your children grow: simply do and say the exact same things, but raise your voice by one decibel for every year of your child's age." How Not To Kill Your Baby is printed on child-safe, 100% piranha-free paper, and bound without the use of exploding staples. You'll get no such promise from What To Expect When You're Expecting. How Not To Kill Your Baby is the book for you... unless you're some kind of baby-hating creep who wants to parent all wrong.
Author: Jacqueline H. Wolf
Publisher: Ohio State University Press
ISBN: 9780814208779
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 314
Get Book Here
Book Description
""An outstanding contribution to the history of medicine and gender, "Don't Kill Your Baby" should be on the bookshelves of historians and health professionals as well as anyone interested in the way in which medical practice can be shaped by external forces." -Margaret Marsh, Rutgers University How did breastfeeding-once accepted as the essence of motherhood and essential to the well-being of infants-come to be viewed with distaste and mistrust? Why did mothers come to choose artificial food over human milk, despite the health risks? In this history of infant feeding, Jacqueline H. Wolf focuses on turn-of-the-century Chicago as a microcosm of the urbanizing United States. She explores how economic pressures, class conflict, and changing views of medicine, marriage, efficiency, self-control, and nature prompted increasing numbers of women and, eventually, doctors to doubt the efficacy and propriety of breastfeeding. Examining the interactions among women, dairies, and health care providers, Wolf uncovers the origins of contemporary attitudes toward and myths about breastfeeding. Jacqueline H. Wolf is assistant professor in the history of medicine, Department of Social Medicine, Ohio University College of Osteopathic Medicine, and adjust assistant professor, Women's Studies Program, Ohio University.
Author: Jancee Dunn
Publisher: Little, Brown
ISBN: 0316267112
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 240
Get Book Here
Book Description
"Get this for your pregnant friends, or yourself" (People): a hilariously candid account of one woman's quest to bring her post-baby marriage back from the brink, with life-changing, real-world advice. Recommended by Nicole Cliffe in Slate Featured in People Picks A Red Tricycle Best Baby and Toddler Parenting Book of the Year One of Mother magazine's favorite parenting books of the Year How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids tackles the last taboo subject of parenthood: the startling, white-hot fury that new (and not-so-new) mothers often have for their mates. After Jancee Dunn had her baby, she found that she was doing virtually all the household chores, even though she and her husband worked equal hours. She asked herself: How did I become the 'expert' at changing a diaper? Many expectant parents spend weeks researching the best crib or safest car seat, but spend little if any time thinking about the titanic impact the baby will have on their marriage - and the way their marriage will affect their child. Enter Dunn, her well-meaning but blithely unhelpful husband, their daughter, and her boisterous extended family, who show us the ways in which outmoded family patterns and traditions thwart the overworked, overloaded parents of today. On the brink of marital Armageddon, Dunn plunges into the latest relationship research, solicits the counsel of the country's most renowned couples' and sex therapists, canvasses fellow parents, and even consults an FBI hostage negotiator on how to effectively contain an "explosive situation." Instead of having the same fights over and over, Dunn and her husband must figure out a way to resolve their larger issues and fix their family while there is still time. As they discover, adding a demanding new person to your relationship means you have to reevaluate -- and rebuild -- your marriage. In an exhilarating twist, they work together to save the day, happily returning to the kind of peaceful life they previously thought was the sole province of couples without children. Part memoir, part self-help book with actionable and achievable advice, How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids is an eye-opening look at how the man who got you into this position in this first place is the ally you didn't know you had.
Author: Paul Mones
Publisher:
ISBN:
Category : Political Science
Languages : en
Pages : 394
Get Book Here
Book Description
A compassionate yet shattering exploration of the dark world of parricide. Attorney Paul Mones comes to the defense of abused children who kill their parents in this gripping, soul-wrenching, and detailed look at who these children are and why they kill. "Disturbing . . . but highly recommended".--ALA Booklist.
Author: Cheryl L. Meyer
Publisher: NYU Press
ISBN: 0814756433
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 224
Get Book Here
Book Description
An inside look into patterns and potential prevention plans for one of the most hotly sensationalized crimes A special kind of horror is reserved for mothers who kill their children. Cases such as those of Susan Smith, who drowned her two young sons by driving her car into a lake, and Melissa Drexler, who disposed of her newborn baby in a restroom at her prom, become media sensations. Unfortunately, in addition to these high-profile cases, hundreds of mothers kill their children in the United States each year. The question most often asked is, why? What would drive a mother to kill her own child? Those who work with such cases, whether in clinical psychology, social services, law enforcement or academia, often lack basic understandings about the types of circumstances and patterns which might lead to these tragic deaths, and the social constructions of motherhood which may affect women's actions. These mothers oftentimes defy the myths and media exploitation of them as evil, insane, or lacking moral principles, and they are not a homogenous group. In obvious ways, intervention strategies should differ for a teenager who denies her pregnancy and then kills her newborn and a mother who kills her two toddlers out of mental illness or to further a relationship. A typology is needed to help us to understand the different cases that commonly occur and the patterns they follow in order to make possible more effective prevention plans. Mothers Who Kill Their Children draws on extensive research to identify clear patterns among the cases of women who kill their children, shedding light on why some women commit these acts. The characteristics the authors establish will be helpful in creating more meaningful policies, more targeted intervention strategies, and more knowledgeable evaluations of these cases when they arise.
Author: Ian McEwan
Publisher: Anchor
ISBN: 0385542089
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 174
Get Book Here
Book Description
NATIONAL BESTSELLER • A “suspenseful, dazzlingly clever and gravely profound” (The Washington Post) novel that brilliantly recasts Shakespeare and lends new weight to the age-old question of Hamlet's hesitation, from the Booker Prize winner and bestselling author of Atonement. Trudy has been unfaithful to her husband, John. What’s more, she has kicked him out of their marital home, a valuable old London town house, and in his place is his own brother, the profoundly banal Claude. The illicit couple have hatched a scheme to rid themselves of her inconvenient husband forever. But there is a witness to their plot: the inquisitive, nine-month-old resident of Trudy’s womb. As Trudy’s unborn son listens, bound within her body, to his mother and his uncle’s murderous plans, he gives us a truly new perspective on our world, seen from the confines of his. Don’t miss Ian McEwan’s new novel, Lessons, coming in September!
Author: Dave Knox
Publisher: Crown Archetype
ISBN: 0307421724
Category : Performing Arts
Languages : en
Pages : 226
Get Book Here
Book Description
Everything You Need to Know to Become a Film-Industry Insider Have you ever wondered what the difference is between a gaffer and a grip? Or what makes the best boy so great? In Strike the Baby and Kill the Blonde,* Dave Knox, a top camera operator and longtime veteran of the film industry, gives you the inside story on the lingo and slang heard on the set. This is an A-to-Z guide to making a movie: the equipment, the crew, and the sometimes hilarious terminology—everything you need to know to sound like a seasoned pro. * Remove the small spotlight from the set and switch off the two-kilowatt quartz light.
Author: Michele Goodwin
Publisher: Cambridge University Press
ISBN: 110703017X
Category : Health & Fitness
Languages : en
Pages : 339
Get Book Here
Book Description
This book tells the real-life horror story of states' abusing laws and infringing on rights to police women and their pregnancies.
Author: Anita Bernstein
Publisher: Cambridge University Press
ISBN: 1107177812
Category : Law
Languages : en
Pages : 275
Get Book Here
Book Description
Explains why lawyers seeking gender progress from primary legal materials should start with the common law.
Author: Nealy Brown; Sarah Tierney; Shannon Hunt
Publisher:
ISBN: 1478709049
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 156
Get Book Here
Book Description
"Out of all the relationship books I’ve read, this one's at the top of my list! The first book I would recommend to anyone. It's funny, inspiring, with incredibly powerful ideas." – Dr. Mike Nichols “The principles in this book have literally changed my life, and given me practical tools for every relationship. I am confident it can do the same for you, wherever you are on your journey." – Melissa Drobnak “This book gives hope to the hopeless relationship. Each chapter gets straight to the heart of relationship issues and provides the know how to make change happen.” – Chelsea Wells Filled with moments to make you laugh, stories to inspire you, and insights to find effective solutions, these pages contain tools for every relationship you face. Developed from decades of research and clinical experience, Dr. Nealy Brown has introduced thousands across the globe to these life changing truths. Learn how to navigate difficult situations, quickly end conflicts, and touch cold hearts, even in your most challenging relationships, through simple, practical methods. Discover true stories of people facing impossible bosses, shattered marriages, and distant kids, and the steps that lead to amazing relationships where you never before thought it was possible. Restore your marriage even after your spouse has walked out. Heal that relationship with your teenager who’s slipping away. Revive your work life in the job you dread to face each day. Strengthen your healthy relationships even further.
