Author: J TaylorPublisher: Hecate
ISBN: 1739206975
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 250
Book Description
Gavin and Stacey meets The Holiday. A Moment on the Lips at Christmas Join Etta on a funny and feel-good festive getaway. Because an A Moment on the Lips Christmas may not be a perfect Christmas, but it's definitely one you don’t want to miss. Now I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I just have to say this: For. Fu*k. F**king. Sake. From: Pamela Wilson [email protected] To: [email protected] Date: 20 Dec 2021 13:43 Subject: Very exciting news! Prompt response required! Dear Family and Friends, We cordially invite you to join us at Midwinter Lodge from 27 December to 2 January, in the glorious wilderness of the Scottish Highlands, for a Christmas and New Year’s break to remember. Midwinter is an extremely luxurious hunting lodge that sleeps eighteen comfortably and is featured in April 2020 Your Home magazine. Facilities include open fires, Aga, private river access, and manicured grounds with a fire pit. Small dogs are allowed in the house. Outdoor shoes are not. This break is a gift from us to you. NO financial contribution is required. RSVP WITHIN 24 HOURS as we need the final numbers for the Ocado shop. Transport via executive coach included. We look forward to hosting you! Let’s make some memories! Festive love and peace, Pamela and Gillian I literally have no words. In no particular order, it looks like I will be spending my festive break with: Pam; Grandad; my daughter Chloe; my sister; my mother (fu*k my f**king life) and her new (not legal) toenail-chewing husband Nigel; Gillian and her husband (I can never remember his name); Jenna (thank God!) And Jason who will bring their two boys; Jenna’s mum Maggie (who generally refers to Gillian as ‘that c u next Tuesday’ or ‘that stuck-up cow’); Maggie’s husband George; and Jenna’s nana, who everyone calls Nana. Oh, and I haven’t even gotten to the best bit yet. Last but not least on the guest list is Richie – as in (to clarify) Jenna’s cousin, who is my new-but-not-yet-official boyfriend, who I have yet to see in person since our first kiss. That Richie. It’s not that I’m not happy at the prospect of spending time with him; it’s just that we are still in that exciting, fresh, texting-every-moment-of-the-day bubble. And I really like him. I don’twant him to get put off by things being too much too soon.So, it’s looking like our first romantic dinner and drinks date will be replaced by a ten-hour ‘executive coach’ journey with fourteen ‘family and friends as spectators. Followed by a five-day mini-break – again with fourteen spectators, including my mother, who never has anything nice to say about anyone (especially me) and her unwashed husband, who is living proof that natural deodorants do not work. Fan-f**kin’-tastic! You couldn’t make this up. At least I know why Pam had been so keen for me to join her and Gillian on a ‘special girly shopping trip’ for ‘sensual but classy negligees’ and ‘things’. I’m going to need a miracle for this break not to end in tears (probably mine.). But then it is Christmas, and, as they say, miracles do happen. That’s why they call them Christmas miracles. Admittedly, I’m not sure who they are, but they definitely do say that. Plus, thinking about it, I’m probably worrying over nothing, because it is a bit late notice. I’m sure I am getting all stressed out over nothing. I bet most people won’t even be able to come. I mean, who would even be available or willing to drop their plans for a luxury, all-expenses paid trip to the Scottish Highlands with a few days’ notice? Not for the easily offended!
