Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1624544959
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 72

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Book Description
CRITICAL ACCLAIM "…absurd, rude, vulgar and better than I expected it to be." --S.J. Nolan "Seriously if someone needs a laugh, I highly recommend this book." --Cinisajoy "What man doesn't think flatulence is still an important, interesting, entertaining, even exciting aspect of our everyday lives? A man who hasn't been taught the fine art of bottling a fart, that's who." --Angry Games PRODUCT DESCRIPTION Celebrating the best of fart fiction, Donald Rump brings you four flatulent tales of love, betrayal and everyone's favorite green gas in one unforgettable volume. Intended for mature audiences. Approximately 11,000 words in all. BOTTLING FARTS Could the greatest power… The path to riches beyond our wildest imagination… The key to reaching the highest level of spiritual awareness and happiness… …be obtained by bottling farts??? "Shh…it's our secret…" Vlad told the little boy. "Use the power wisely…" THE CHAPPED-ASS CRITIC Zack Pimpton's ass never felt worse, and it doesn't help that his doctor is a part time comedian. Unfortunately, Zack is quite the bastard himself and accidentally says the wrong thing that causes the mild-mannered doctor to snap. GOING DUTCH Barnabus Prim has reached the end of his rope. Drowning in debt and married to an obnoxious wife who can't stand the sight of him, he decides to do the unthinkable. But finding a way to the afterlife proves more difficult than he imagined. MARRIAGE STINKS Mackelroy Puggsley thought he'd heard everything until an odd man named Bilby Bloob shows up in the DMV lobby one morning. When Bilby demands a marriage license for his gassy wife, the old man puts his foot down. Sure, it's one thing to marry your high school sweetheart, but a fart? Who in the world marries farts? BONUS! Four Stinky Stories Vol. 1 includes the bonus story I Am Fart (approximately 1,130 words).

Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1393957056
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 89

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Book Description
Can you believe it? Four more stinky stories have squeaked out, including these ghastly ghost turds: PUT ANOTHER FART IN THE JUKEBOX, BABY When Brad Blemmings meets his blind date at Fifty Something, a retro shake and burger joint, he's not sure what to expect. But the goth beauty Maimah is quite a handful, and then there's the matter of the farting jukebox in the corner... PEDO FLAMBÉ When an old man hobbles into the Palazzio and demands his favorite dish, the peculiar Pedo Flambé, the wait staff isn't sure what to make of it. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have such a thing on our menu." His baby-faced waiter Zach Spitz frowns. "You sure about that?" The old man slaps down a $100 bill. "Of course, sir. Right away, sir!" Zach's manager snatches up the bill and runs back to the kitchen. FART LOVER SUPREME Kimberly Grant is ruthless, and wants a taco. Thankfully, she's found a sucker to give it to her. Big time! DON'T COUNT YOUR CHICKEN FARTS BEFORE THEY HATCH When Miles Puggsley spends his last dollar on a carton of empty eggs, he realizes he's reached rock bottom and the end is near. But there's a basement to the misery he now endures, especially for the once proud DMV specialist turned exorcist. Can a band of wild chicken farts change his fortunes? No, probably not. BONUS: THE HAIRIEST BUTT The search for the hairiest butt on Venus leads to explosive results. Approximately 15,500 words.

Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1516341775
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 86

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Book Description
Celebrating the best of fart fiction, Donald Rump weaves together four new flatulent tales of love, betrayal, flesh-eating cannibals and everyone's favorite green gas in one dastardly volume. Intended for mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 14,000 words in all. THE $500 QUESTION Perkins Deadwood can't believe his ears. His twelve-year-old son just asked for a pet fart for Christmas. And not just any fart, a Spanish fart. Hay caramba! Can the used car salesman talk his son out of it? Or is this Christmas really going to stink? FINDING FLOOFY When a man falls head over heels for a murderous fart, he has difficulty coping with her mysterious departure. Was it something he said? Something he did? Was his penis too small? None of it makes any sense. "I will find you, my darling Floofy. Even if it's the last thing I do!" TILL DEATH DO US FART Helen Hubbard's fears have finally been confirmed. During brunch one morning in her favorite restaurant, her husband Gary confesses to cheating on her, and is ready to leave at a moment's notice. When she pries deeper into the matter, she discovers more about his mysterious lover Muffy than she cares to know. “So you’re leaving me for a fart???” Helen exclaimed. WEEKEND GETAWAY When Martin Dollop and Arthur Bodine set off for a romantic vacation in the islands, they have no idea what they're in for. Now rotting away in a Mexican jail cell, it appears that they've reached the end of their rope. Even the pinche guard won't do them the honor of putting a bullet in their heads, and offers each a shot of poison to end their suffering. Will the two lovebirds cash in on their free weekend getaway and make things right between them? Or will the doomed couple kill each other in the process?

Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1310505667
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 161

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Book Description
Celebrating the best of fart fiction, Donald Rump weaves together ten flatulent tales of love, betrayal, flesh-eating cannibals, and everyone's favorite green gas, that are sure to blow you away. Intended for mature (and not so mature) audiences. Over 100 pages (approximately 32,000 words). BOTTLING FARTS Could the greatest power… The path to riches beyond our wildest imagination… The key to reaching the highest level of spiritual awareness and happiness… …be obtained by bottling farts??? THE CHAPPED-ASS CRITIC Zack Pimpton's ass never felt worse, and it doesn't help that his doctor is a part time comedian. Unfortunately, Zack is quite the bastard himself and accidentally says the wrong thing that causes the mild-mannered doctor to snap. GOING DUTCH Barnabus Prim has reached the end of his rope. Drowning in debt and married to an obnoxious wife who can't stand the sight of him, he decides to do the unthinkable. But finding a way to the afterlife proves more difficult than he imagined. MARRIAGE STINKS Mackelroy Puggsley thought he'd heard everything until an odd man named Bilby Bloob shows up in the DMV lobby one morning. When Bilby demands a marriage license for his gassy wife, the old man puts his foot down. Sure, it's one thing to marry your high school sweetheart, but a fart? Who in the world marries farts? GASTROINTESTINAL BLUES Since leaving his posh position at the Department of Motor Vehicles, Mackelroy Puggsley thought he'd smelled the last psychotic fart that nearly killed him. But in his new role as a psychologist, he quickly realizes that the problem is more widespread than he thought. Will a crazed client and his two gassy brides prevent the old man from getting one last piece of nookie before he dies? Or will Mackelroy talk his way out of another hazardous situation and live to see another hair pie? THE WOULD BE ASTRONAUT Hank Larmspitz has a plan. Well, sort of. He's going to be the first man on the moon, dagnabbit, and he's going to do it without the aid of a space suit or even a space ship. THE $500 QUESTION Perkins Deadwood can't believe his ears. His twelve-year-old son just asked for a pet fart for Christmas. And not just any fart, a Spanish fart. Hay caramba! Can the used car salesman talk his son out of it? Or is this Christmas really going to stink? FINDING FLOOFY When a man falls head over heels for a murderous fart, he has difficulty coping with her mysterious departure. Was it something he said? Something he did? Was his penis too small? None of it makes any sense. "I will find you, my darling Floofy. Even if it's the last thing I do!" TILL DEATH DO US FART Helen Hubbard's fears have finally been confirmed. During brunch one morning in her favorite restaurant, her husband Gary confesses to cheating on her, and is ready to leave at a moment's notice. When she pries deeper into the matter, she discovers more about his mysterious lover Muffy than she cares to know. “So you’re leaving me for a fart???” Helen exclaimed. WEEKEND GETAWAY When Martin Dollop and Arthur Bodine set off for a romantic vacation in the islands, they have no idea what they're in for. Now rotting away in a Mexican jail cell, it appears that they've reached the end of their rope. Even the pinche guard won't do them the honor of putting a bullet in their heads, and offers each a shot of poison to end their suffering. Will the two lovebirds cash in on their free weekend getaway and make things right between them? Or will the doomed couple kill each other in the process? BONUS! Also includes the bonus story I Am Fart.

Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1386589586
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 69

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Book Description
What's that I see? Four more stinky stories that are sure to enliven anyone's day! Included in this fartabulous foursome: CAPTIVE AUDIENCE Three men, one blonde secretary, a jammed up elevator, and a series of ghastly, deadly farts. What could possibly go wrong? BUTT-DIALING BASTARD When Lenny Ludwitz gets a call from a mysterious stranger, he knows that he's totally f*cked. After going round and round with the knucklehead caller, Lenny and his trio of halfwit friends come to the only conclusion that they can--that the call, indeed, is originating from his bunghole. THE WOULD BE ASSTRONAUT He's going to be the first man on the moon, dagnabbit, and he's going to do it without the aid of a space suit or even a space ship. FLOOFED AT 40,000 FEET It's a swell day aboard Crampton Airways Flight 007 until a passenger decides to follow his heart (and nose) out the airplane by cracking open the emergency door. Before long, others follow, chasing their dreams to certain death. What exactly has gotten into them? ***BONUS!*** KEEPING WIND LATEN AND THE REST OF THE WORLD AT BAY Great heavens, the armored kingdoms are under attack! And King Krakken, the domain’s irritable ruler, has an impossible decision. Should he scramble the air ships and meet the encroaching enemy head on or listen to his counsel and hold firm? Either way, the green death is upon him and it’s only a matter of time before he comes face-to-face with the infamous Wind Laten. Approximately 12,000 words.

Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 138624855X
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 32

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Book Description
THE F**KING IDIOT . . . Vlad Wieckowski has seen better days. With only the clothes on his back, he's out of money, out of luck, and out of gas. CONFRONTS THE EVIL PINT-SIZED BASTARD . . . That little sh*t Henry Winkle is at it again, and this time he's got warehouses full of toxic gas at his disposal. Can anyone stop his evil plot to gas the world? AND GETS F**KED OVER BY A MYSTERIOUS DIPSH*T AGENT . . . By his letter he is known. W. W for Wacky. W for Wicked. W for WTF?! WILL THE INDELIBLE SH*THEAD GET HIS REVENGE? Or is mankind totally f**ked? Disempowered is the eighth episode of an ongoing serial, created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000-4,000 words.

Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1540193268
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 29

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Book Description
It's a swell day aboard Crampton Airways Flight 007 until a passenger decides to follow his heart (and nose) out the airplane by cracking open the emergency door. Before long, others follow, chasing their dreams to certain death. What exactly has gotten into them? The hell if Captain Marlow knows, who's still waiting for the busty stewardess to deliver a much needed shot of vodka. Approximately 3,200 words. Note: This is a companion piece to the original Finding Floofy. WARNING: Brain freeze ahead.

Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1624544975
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 32

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Book Description
Since leaving his posh position at the Department of Motor Vehicles, Mackelroy Puggsley thought he\'d smelled the last psychotic fart that nearly killed him. But in his new role as a psychologist, he quickly realizes that the problem is more widespread than he thought. Will a crazed client and his two gassy brides prevent the old man from getting one last piece of nookie before he dies? Or will Mackelroy talk his way out of another hazardous situation and live to see another hair pie? For mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 3,400 words in all.

Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1540113698
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 49

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Book Description
I’ve no idea what’s going in that pea-brained mind of yours. Perhaps it’s all that crack you’ve been smoking. Who knows? And who cares? You are a scoundrel after all, so it isn’t hard to see your angle. Now you’ve set your sites on the ugliest girl in the room, if not on earth. Even though you’ve set the bar low—way low—you’re not sure how to proceed. Perhaps you could use some advice before pissing your precious time and money away? Good, for I have just the thing for you. From one scoundrel to another… Approximately 11,000 words.

Author: Donald Rump
Publisher: Donald Rump
ISBN: 1311313613
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 32

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Book Description
THE F**KING IDIOT . . . Vlad Wieckowski has seen better days. With only the clothes on his back, he's out of money, out of luck, and out of gas. CONFRONTS THE EVIL PINT-SIZED BASTARD . . . That little sh*t Henry Winkle is at it again, and this time he's got warehouses full of toxic gas at his disposal. Can anyone stop his evil plot to gas the world? AND GETS F**KED OVER BY A MYSTERIOUS DIPSH*T AGENT . . . By his letter he is known. W. W for Wacky. W for Wicked. W for WTF?! WILL THE INDELIBLE SH*THEAD GET HIS REVENGE? Or is mankind totally f**ked? Dismembered is the third episode of an ongoing serial, created specifically for the Eight Hour Fiction Challenge. Each installment is approximately 3,000-4,000 words.