Santa Claus Heard a Fart

Santa Claus Heard a Fart PDF Author: Olaf Falafel
Publisher: HarperCollins Children's Books
ISBN: 9780008357955
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 32

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Book Description

Santa Claus Heard a Fart

Santa Claus Heard a Fart PDF Author: Olaf Falafel
Publisher: HarperCollins Children's Books
ISBN: 9780008357955
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 32

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Book Description


When Santa Fell to Earth

When Santa Fell to Earth PDF Author: Cornelia Funke
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.
ISBN: 054541511X
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 182

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Book Description
A crash-landing puts Christmas in peril in this quirky, funny, and heartwarming holiday classic from the New York Times–bestselling author of Inkheart. Scared by a storm, Twinklestar, the least reliable reindeer, bolts—causing Santa and his sleigh to crash-land. And though Santa has dropped into a friendly neighborhood, he’s not safe: Jeremiah Goblynch, the ruthless new leader of the Council of Yuleland, is determined to put an end to children’s wishes and turn the holiday season into his own personal moneymaking scheme. As the last REAL St. Nick around, only Santa stands between Goblynch and his grinchlike plan. With the help and hope of kids Charlotte and Ben, Santa must face Goblynch and his Nutcracker goons to save Christmas! “Wonderfully imaginative details, adventure, danger, and a brave young Santa who fights to preserve all that is magical and special about Christmas make this a perfect read over a mug of hot chocolate on a cold winter’s night.” —School Library Journal “The humor, plus some unusual character types, sets this apart from the general run of holiday tales.” —Kirkus Reviews

Being Santa Claus

Being Santa Claus PDF Author: Sal Lizard
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 1101600527
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 170

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Book Description
A veteran Santa reveals heartwarming true stories and lessons from his twenty-year career spreading Christmas magic. With the holiday shopping season beginning earlier each year, more than ever. Americans are struggling to remember the true meaning of Christmas. And who better to deliver the gift of Christmas inspiration than a man who has spent the last two decades playing Santa? Sal Lizard was in his twenties when his beard and hair turned completely white. Today he appears everywhere from malls and parades to schools and hospitals. And— from his custom-made red velvet suits to the mistletoe that hangs from the rearview mirror in his Santa-mobile—he is Santa Claus three hundred and sixty-five days a year. In Being Santa Claus Sal reflects on his experiences with both children and adults including: Christmas magic is all around us: We don’t always see it, but it is there, shaping and enriching our lives. Sometimes you need to go that extra mile:Santa Claus is the one person who can’t even use a blizzard as an excuse not to honor his commitments, and Sal teaches adults the importance of always showing up for our children. Even a small child can make a big difference: Sal has met some impressive children over the years, and he’s learned that you don’t need to be a grown-up to make an impact on the world around you. In Being Santa Claus Sal shares these lessons, along with often heartwarming, occasionally heartbreaking, and sometimes downright hysterical stories from his twenty-year career as Santa.

Old MacDonald Heard a Fart

Old MacDonald Heard a Fart PDF Author: Derek Landy
Publisher: HarperCollins Children's Books
ISBN: 9780008242794
Category : Children's stories
Languages : en
Pages : 32

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Book Description
"Old Macdonald heard a fart ... E-I-E-I-O!" There are some VERY rude noises coming from Old Macdonald's farm - who could be responsible?! Sing along to this side-splitting picture book adaptation of everyone's favourite nursery rhyme.

Howard Stern Comes Again

Howard Stern Comes Again PDF Author: Howard Stern
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1501194291
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 560

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Book Description
Presents the first book in more than twenty years from the self-proclaimed King of All Media.

Santa Claus Vs. the Aliens

Santa Claus Vs. the Aliens PDF Author: James Cardona
Publisher: Sji
ISBN: 9780985028466
Category : Children's stories
Languages : en
Pages : 108

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Book Description
Finalist - The Wishing Shelf Children's Book Awards - 9-12 year old Category. Indie BRAG Award Winner. In this fast paced, Children's holiday science fiction adventure, Edwin, a fourteen year old and an odd character dressed as Santa Claus attempt to stop aliens and save the planet in 1950's Manhattan. When Edwin cuts his finger, dripping a few drops of blood onto a bone-colored tracking device he becomes a target of a group of aliens that think he holds the secret to the human race's defeat. The only person who seems to know what to do is a fat man wearing a Santa Claus suit and he somehow seems to know just a little too much. Who is he and why does he know so much? Where did the aliens come from and what are they after? Can a Fourteen year old wandering the cold, empty streets of Manhattan late on Christmas Eve and an odd character dressed as Santa Claus stop the aliens, save the planet and discover the true meaning of Christmas? Readers are calling it "packed with humor, action" and "adventure" and "intelligent and thoroughly enjoyable." Grab hold of this children's science fiction Christmas adventure and take a wild ride. One day, Edwin's father, Fundy, witnesses a strange object falling out of the sky. When he realizes a person is in it, he helps the red suited man pull his strange vehicle out of the muck with his horse, Paulo. As Santa flies off, he accidentally drops his ring. After his encounter with the strange man, Fundy and his wife move to the United States, hoping to find happiness, but instead they eventually get divorced, placing Edwin in a children's home when neither of them could take care of their son. When Edwin is dropped off at the children's home, Fundy gives his son his most prized possession, the Santa's ring. Several years after his divorce, Fundy has remarried, has a little girl, acquired a decent job, and wishes for Edwin to come back home. Whether for rage or guilt, Edwin cannot bring himself to do this. He feels as though his home is no longer his own, as if a strange woman is living there. Edwin knows that he will no longer see his father and actual mother together ever again, but it's just not right to him. Called, "an absolute gem of a story aimed at our 8 -10 yr olds," it brings "a wonderful slant to a timeless classic" that seems to have always lived around Santa Claus and the gift of Christmas, bringing us closer to that Original Christmas. As the aliens chase Edwin through the cold, dark streets on Christmas Eve, steadily getting closer and closer, you will run with Edwin as he tries to determine what in the world is going on? Who are those people that are chasing him? Why does Santa seem to know about Edwin being tracked? Amid the dashing through a city to escape strange people chasing him, our hero discovers things about himself that he has never known and learns just how valuable family really is. During the fight between Edwin, Santa Claus and the aliens, our hero learns just how much difference loyalty and friendship can make and that family values are the real gifts that Christmas brings. "There is simply something about the character Edwin that I really fell in love with and latched on to. Perhaps it was his family situation and the decision that he had to make when deciding whether to live with his reconstructed family or stay at a children's home that naturally drew me to him." --Annette Huss A holiday Christmas tale about a dysfunctional family coming together married to a science fiction adventure involving an alien scouting party prior to a full scale alien invasion, this one is sure to please middle grade students and adults alike. Set in a 1950's Manhattan, the book has a retro feel but the situations and family conflicts are timeless. A brisk, fast paced and entertaining novel that constantly engages the reader with new developments, Santa Claus vs the Aliens is full of tense situations interspersed with fun, laughs and comedy.

Ijamama Speaks: Wisdom of a Black Sistah from the Urban Hood

Ijamama Speaks: Wisdom of a Black Sistah from the Urban Hood PDF Author: Frederick Douglas Harper
Publisher: Xlibris Corporation
ISBN: 1524592560
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 322

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Book Description
Ijamama Speaks is a hilarious satire. Ijamama is a woman from the urban Hood who is accidentally discovered by a feminist magazine, Hot Heifer, after she stood up to a sexist law that allowed men to be topless in public but not women. A published interview of Ijamama in Hot Heifer magazine leads to her cohosting a feminist, late-night TV show, and eventually getting her own late-night TV show, The Ijamama Tell-It-Like-It-Is Midnight Show, targeted to urban blacks, college students, and working-class women. Although very funny, Ijamama Speaks presents meaningful lessons about rightful living and quality living through dialogues of host Ijamama with her diverse TV guests. Some of her guests include Celibate Dude, Lead Belly, Benevolent Angel, Smart-Ass White Boy, Dr. Fartenstein, PumpDaddy, Spiritual Teacher, Bootylicious Queens, Preacher-Teacher, Little Red Rapper from da Hood, and HoneyBaby.

Santa Claus

Santa Claus PDF Author: Todd Graham
Publisher: iUniverse
ISBN: 1532061056
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 424

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Book Description
Christmas has been under attack for years, thanks to the evil Ice Queen and her mother, Emma Frostbite, the Empress of the North. With the power of a troll army and Nutcracker war machine behind them, the Queen and her mother have now set their sights on the last remaining Christmas stronghold, the twin cities of Feliz and Navidad. Now that Christmas bells, songs, and the spirit have been taken away for good, this just may be the end of Christmas in the world. Sixteen-year-old orphan Nicholas Claus isn’t about to let this happen. Fueled by an indomitable Christmas spirit, Nicholas embarks on a quest to seek help from a mysterious woman called Christmas Carol, stop the Ice Queen, and hopefully restore Christmas to its ultimate glory. While following clues hidden in a special snow globe, he is joined by allies as they attempt to find Christmas Carol and battle forces bent on destroying the holiday. As Nicholas and his friends set out on a hero’s mission to Tannenbaum, Feliz, Navidad, and the North Pole, he has no idea that his journey is about to lead him to receive the best Christmas gift ever. Santa Claus: The First Noel continues the tale of a young man’s quest to save Christmas from the destructive claws of an evil Ice Queen and her frosty mother.

Caring Is Creepy

Caring Is Creepy PDF Author: David Zimmerman
Publisher: Soho Press
ISBN: 156947978X
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 273

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Book Description
Fifteen-year-old Lynn Marie Sugrue is doing her best to make it through a difficult summer. Her mother works long hours as a nurse, and Lynn suspects that her mother’s pill-popping boyfriend has enlisted her in his petty criminal enterprises. Lynn finds refuge in online flirtations, eventually meeting up with a troubled young soldier, Logan Loy, and inviting him home. When he’s forced to stay over in a storage space accessible through her closet, and the Army subsequently lists him as AWOL, she realizes that he’s the one thing in her life that she can control. Meanwhile, her mother’s boyfriend is on the receiving end of a series of increasingly violent threats, which places Lynn squarely in the cross-hairs.

Over 2000 and Some Odd Reasons 'Not' to Marry Your Mate

Over 2000 and Some Odd Reasons 'Not' to Marry Your Mate PDF Author: Otha R. Johnson
Publisher: iUniverse
ISBN: 0595140335
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 154

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Book Description
How many of you have been dating someone when you're asked the uncomfortable question, "So when are you two going to get married?" You may stumble around for an answer while your mind is rolling down an endless list of reasons you'd like to give. This book is for the single, the dating and the married alike; basically for anyone who's ever dated or even thought about it. Marriage is not a subject to be taken lightly, but this book may beg to differ. If you think you've thought of every reason NOT to get married—think again. Whether you're on a first date, have been dating for years, or are living together with a wedding date set, here is a fun list of over 2000 reasons that people have given for not getting hitched. book is meant to be fun reading and NOT to be taken seriously