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Author: Andrew Fox
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0345464443
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 354
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Book Description
He’s undead, overweight, and can’t get a date Vampire, nosferatu, creature of the night—whatever you call him—Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak) in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can’t see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can’t get his big ol’ butt off the ground. What’s worse, after more than a century of being undead, he’s watched his neighborhood truly go to hell—and now, a new vampire is looking to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he’d better confine himself to white victims—or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn’t kidding, Malice burns Jules’s house to the ground. With the help of Maureen, the morbidly obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who (literally) flies in from the coast—Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It’s enough to give a man the blues.
Author: Andrew Fox
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0345464443
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 354
Get Book
Book Description
He’s undead, overweight, and can’t get a date Vampire, nosferatu, creature of the night—whatever you call him—Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak) in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can’t see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can’t get his big ol’ butt off the ground. What’s worse, after more than a century of being undead, he’s watched his neighborhood truly go to hell—and now, a new vampire is looking to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he’d better confine himself to white victims—or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn’t kidding, Malice burns Jules’s house to the ground. With the help of Maureen, the morbidly obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who (literally) flies in from the coast—Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It’s enough to give a man the blues.
Author: Adam Rex
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0061920924
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 336
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Book Description
Doug Lee is undead quite by accident—attacked by a desperate vampire, he finds himself cursed with being fat and fifteen forever. When he has no luck finding some goth chick with a vampire fetish, he resorts to sucking the blood of cows under cover of the night. But it’s just not the same. Then he meets the new Indian exchange student and falls for her—hard. Yeah, he wants to bite her, but he also wants to prove himself to her. But like the laws of life, love, and high school, the laws of vampire existence are complicated—it’s not as easy as studying Dracula. Especially when the star of Vampire Hunters is hot on your trail in an attempt to boost ratings. . . . Searing, hilarious, and always unexpected, Fat Vampire is a satirical tour de force from one of the most original writers of fiction today.
Author: Katie Macalister
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 1101210621
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 260
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Book Description
Paen Scott is a Dark One: a vampire without a soul. And his mother is about to lose hers too if Paen can’t repay a debt to a demon by finding a relic known as the Jilin God in five days. Half-elf Samantha Cosse may have gotten kicked out of the Order of Diviners, but she’s still good at finding things, which is why she just opened her own private investigation agency. Paen is one of Sam’s first clients and the only one to set her elf senses tingling, which makes it pretty much impossible to keep their relationship on a professional level. Sam is convinced that she is Paen’s Beloved—the woman who can give him back his soul...whether he wants it or not.
Author: Christopher Moore
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1439191492
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 302
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Book Description
Jody never asked to become a vampire. But when she wakes up under an alley Dumpster with a badly burned arm, an aching back, superhuman strength, and a distinctly Nosferatuan thirst, she realizes the decision has been made for her. Making the transition from the nine-to-five grind to an eternity of nocturnal prowlings is going to take some doing, however, and that's where C. Thomas Flood fits in. A would-be Kerouac from Incontinence, Indiana, Tommy (to his friends) is biding his time night-clerking and frozen-turkey bowling in a San Francisco Safeway. But all that changes when a beautiful undead redhead walks through the door...and proceeds to rock Tommy's life—and afterlife—in ways he never thought possible.
Author: Andrew Fox
Publisher:
ISBN: 9780692225431
Category :
Languages : en
Pages :
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Book Description
The long awaited third installment in the Fat White Vampire series of humorous horror novels. Jules Duchon and his vampiric family suffer through the ravages of Hurricane Antonia and struggle to survive in a New Orleans which is almost entirely depopulated. Where will they get their blood? Salvation comes from the most unlikely source possible - a trio of Japanese superheroes called Bonsai Master, Anime Girl, and Cutie-Scary Man. Yet that salvation comes with a terrifying but laugh-inducing price? the blood which the three superheroes donate has unpredictable effects on Jules and his family. Chaos ensues as Jules is transformed into a seven-foot-tall white rabbit, his wife Maureen puts on three hundred pounds, and his mother Edna becomes a vicious human/vampire vacuum cleaner!
Author: Andrew Fox
Publisher: Monstracity Press
ISBN: 9780989802703
Category : Mississippi
Languages : en
Pages : 296
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Book Description
After Lieutenant Commander August Micholson loses his first ship in battle, he is offered a second chance. His new mission is to take the ironclad gunboat USS James B. Eads on a mission to destroy a hidden rebel boat yard. However, there are more forces at play than the Conferate army. On the Yazoo River, the lieutenant and crew become involved with a slave and his master who planning to use African fire spirits to destroy the Federal armies. Micholson must choose between saving the lives of every American or merging his soul with a demon.
Author: Andrew Fox
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0345478614
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 450
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Book Description
After morphing into 187 very large white rats in the name of self-preservation, Jules Duchon is back to his portly self, a member of that secret class of New Orleans citizens known as the undead. Though he would like nothing better than to spend his nights raising hell and biting flesh in his beloved French Quarter, duty calls when an exclusive club of blue blood vampires demands that the 450-pound cabbie find out who is attacking its young and beautiful members. Adding insult to injury, he has to enlist the help of a former foe: a black vampire named Preston. What’s a vampire to do? Without the love of a woman to ease his pain, Jules isn’t convinced that his undead life is worth living. He doesn’t desire Doodlebug (she may be a woman now but Jules knew her back when she was just a boy) any more than he longs for Daphne, a rat catcher who nourishes a crush the size of Jules. No, only Maureen will do. Once a beautiful stripper with nothing but curve after curve to her bodacious body, now she is mere dust in a jar. But Jules will move heaven and earth to get her back . . . even if it means pulling her back from the dead.
Author: Andrew Fox
Publisher: Monstracity Press
ISBN: 9781954977990
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 206
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Book Description
Portly vampire Jules Duchon is in trouble. The High Krewe of Vlad Tepes seeks revenge for Jules's theft of their members' body parts to restore his wife. What can a 400-pound vampire do against a hired assassin who control matter?
Author: Andrew Fox
Publisher: Fat White Vampire
ISBN: 9780989802796
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 264
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Book Description
The third book in the Fat White Vampire Series; immediately follows the events of tie-in novel The Bad Luck Spirits' Social Aid and Pleasure Club. Jules Duchon and his vampiric family suffer through the ravages of Hurricane Antonia and struggle to survive in a city emptied of its population - and its sources of blood. Where will they get their meals? But salvation comes from the most unlikely source possible: a trio of Japanese superheroes called Bonsai Master, Anime Girl, and Cutie-Scary Man. However, that salvation comes with a bedeviling price. For the blood donated by the three superheroes proves to have highly unpredictable effects on Jules and his family. Chaos ensues, in the best tradition of the Fat White Vampire Series!
Author: Andrew Fox
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0345464087
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 450
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Book Description
After morphing into 187 very large white rats in the name of self-preservation, Jules Duchon is back to his portly self, a member of that secret class of New Orleans citizens known as the undead. Though he would like nothing better than to spend his nights raising hell and biting flesh in his beloved French Quarter, duty calls when an exclusive club of blue blood vampires demands that the 450-pound cabbie find out who is attacking its young and beautiful members. Adding insult to injury, he has to enlist the help of a former foe: a black vampire named Preston. What’s a vampire to do? Without the love of a woman to ease his pain, Jules isn’t convinced that his undead life is worth living. He doesn’t desire Doodlebug (she may be a woman now but Jules knew her back when she was just a boy) any more than he longs for Daphne, a rat catcher who nourishes a crush the size of Jules. No, only Maureen will do. Once a beautiful stripper with nothing but curve after curve to her bodacious body, now she is mere dust in a jar. But Jules will move heaven and earth to get her back . . . even if it means pulling her back from the dead.
