Author: Dave Fishwick
Publisher: Random House
ISBN: 1448131723
Category : Business & Economics
Languages : en
Pages : 290
Book Description
This is the real story that inspired the Netflix film, Bank of Dave. Dave Fishwick is a self-made, straight-talking man from Burnley who hates the banks. Fed up with never-ending tales of greed and corruption, he sets out to prove that there is a different way of doing things - by opening his own bank to help inject much-needed life into local businesses. In his bid to set up a simple, no-nonsense bank that actually cares about its customers, Dave plans to use hundreds of thousands of pounds of his own money. His enterprise will offer his customers a far better rate of interest than they get on the high street; he will lend to struggling local businesses that the banks don't want to know about; and he aims to bring the Bank of Dave into profit within 180 days. If he succeeds, he'll give whatever he makes to charity. If he fails, he'll make a terrible loss and ruin his hard-earned reputation as a successful businessman. Can one man really take on the banking giants and make a real difference to local businesses and his community? Dave Fishwick certainly hopes so.
Bank of Dave
Author: Dave Fishwick
Publisher: Random House
ISBN: 1448131723
Category : Business & Economics
Languages : en
Pages : 290
Book Description
This is the real story that inspired the Netflix film, Bank of Dave. Dave Fishwick is a self-made, straight-talking man from Burnley who hates the banks. Fed up with never-ending tales of greed and corruption, he sets out to prove that there is a different way of doing things - by opening his own bank to help inject much-needed life into local businesses. In his bid to set up a simple, no-nonsense bank that actually cares about its customers, Dave plans to use hundreds of thousands of pounds of his own money. His enterprise will offer his customers a far better rate of interest than they get on the high street; he will lend to struggling local businesses that the banks don't want to know about; and he aims to bring the Bank of Dave into profit within 180 days. If he succeeds, he'll give whatever he makes to charity. If he fails, he'll make a terrible loss and ruin his hard-earned reputation as a successful businessman. Can one man really take on the banking giants and make a real difference to local businesses and his community? Dave Fishwick certainly hopes so.
Publisher: Random House
ISBN: 1448131723
Category : Business & Economics
Languages : en
Pages : 290
Book Description
This is the real story that inspired the Netflix film, Bank of Dave. Dave Fishwick is a self-made, straight-talking man from Burnley who hates the banks. Fed up with never-ending tales of greed and corruption, he sets out to prove that there is a different way of doing things - by opening his own bank to help inject much-needed life into local businesses. In his bid to set up a simple, no-nonsense bank that actually cares about its customers, Dave plans to use hundreds of thousands of pounds of his own money. His enterprise will offer his customers a far better rate of interest than they get on the high street; he will lend to struggling local businesses that the banks don't want to know about; and he aims to bring the Bank of Dave into profit within 180 days. If he succeeds, he'll give whatever he makes to charity. If he fails, he'll make a terrible loss and ruin his hard-earned reputation as a successful businessman. Can one man really take on the banking giants and make a real difference to local businesses and his community? Dave Fishwick certainly hopes so.
Homes and Other Black Holes
Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0307758826
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 153
Book Description
"Mr. Barry is the funniest man in America and we should encourage him." --The New York Times Book Review THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME--EXCEPT IN A SELLER'S MARKET At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they've never been answered before: What's the best way to determine a realistic price range? Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six. Can you recommend a good mortgage? There are several kinds: Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank's secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead. How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner's projects? Find a contractor. Their silent motto is "We Never Show Up." The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too. Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn? Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0307758826
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 153
Book Description
"Mr. Barry is the funniest man in America and we should encourage him." --The New York Times Book Review THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME--EXCEPT IN A SELLER'S MARKET At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they've never been answered before: What's the best way to determine a realistic price range? Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six. Can you recommend a good mortgage? There are several kinds: Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank's secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead. How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner's projects? Find a contractor. Their silent motto is "We Never Show Up." The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too. Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn? Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.
The Total Money Makeover: Classic Edition
Author: Dave Ramsey
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
ISBN: 1595555285
Category : Business & Economics
Languages : en
Pages : 266
Book Description
Do you want to build a budget that actually works for you? Are you ready to transform your relationship with money? This New York Times bestseller has already helped millions of people just like you learn how to develop everyday money-saving habits with the help of America's favorite personal finance expert, Dave Ramsey. By now, you've already heard all of the nutty get-rich-quick schemes and the fiscal diet fads that leave you with a lot of quirky ideas but not a penny in your pocket. If you're tired of the lies and sick of the false promises, Dave is here to provide practical, long-term help. The Total Money Makeover is the simplest, most straightforward game plan for completely changing your finances. And, best of all, these principles are based on results, not pie-in-the-sky fantasies. This is the financial reset you've been looking for. The Total Money Makeover: Classic Edition will give you the tools and the encouragement you need to: Design a sure-fire plan for paying off all debt--from your cars to your home and everything in between using the debt snowball method Break bad habits and make lasting changes when it comes to your relationship with money Recognize the 10 most dangerous money myths Secure a healthy nest egg for emergencies and set yourself up for retirement Become financially healthy for life Live like no one else, so later you can LIVE (and GIVE) like no one else! This edition of The Total Money Makeover includes new, expanded "Dave Rants" that tackle marriage conflict, college debt, and so much more. The Total Money Makeover: Classic Edition also includes brand new back-of-the-book resources to help you make The Total Money Makeover your new reality.
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
ISBN: 1595555285
Category : Business & Economics
Languages : en
Pages : 266
Book Description
Do you want to build a budget that actually works for you? Are you ready to transform your relationship with money? This New York Times bestseller has already helped millions of people just like you learn how to develop everyday money-saving habits with the help of America's favorite personal finance expert, Dave Ramsey. By now, you've already heard all of the nutty get-rich-quick schemes and the fiscal diet fads that leave you with a lot of quirky ideas but not a penny in your pocket. If you're tired of the lies and sick of the false promises, Dave is here to provide practical, long-term help. The Total Money Makeover is the simplest, most straightforward game plan for completely changing your finances. And, best of all, these principles are based on results, not pie-in-the-sky fantasies. This is the financial reset you've been looking for. The Total Money Makeover: Classic Edition will give you the tools and the encouragement you need to: Design a sure-fire plan for paying off all debt--from your cars to your home and everything in between using the debt snowball method Break bad habits and make lasting changes when it comes to your relationship with money Recognize the 10 most dangerous money myths Secure a healthy nest egg for emergencies and set yourself up for retirement Become financially healthy for life Live like no one else, so later you can LIVE (and GIVE) like no one else! This edition of The Total Money Makeover includes new, expanded "Dave Rants" that tackle marriage conflict, college debt, and so much more. The Total Money Makeover: Classic Edition also includes brand new back-of-the-book resources to help you make The Total Money Makeover your new reality.
The Back Door Man
Author: Dave Buschi
Publisher: Dave Buschi
ISBN: 0983915008
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 476
Book Description
All credit cards have stopped working. Today. This morning. What cash you have in your wallet is it. ATMs and bank systems are down. You can't get gas, groceries… Commerce has essentially come to a halt. Such is the backdrop of THE BACK DOOR MAN. Our society is computercentric. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn. We're plugged in. Managing our finances online. Downloading apps for our iPhone. Reading the WSJ on our Kindle. There are things out there on the cutting edge we don't even know we need to fear. THE BACK DOOR MAN takes us there. We see it through the eyes of James Kolinsky, a simple family man who works in information security. His day goes from bad to worse when he discovers that his greatest fear is his fault and what's happened to him has happened to millions of others. He's been set up. His family—make that the world—has been taken hostage. The next twenty-four hours we find out what James Kolinsky is really made of.
Publisher: Dave Buschi
ISBN: 0983915008
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 476
Book Description
All credit cards have stopped working. Today. This morning. What cash you have in your wallet is it. ATMs and bank systems are down. You can't get gas, groceries… Commerce has essentially come to a halt. Such is the backdrop of THE BACK DOOR MAN. Our society is computercentric. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn. We're plugged in. Managing our finances online. Downloading apps for our iPhone. Reading the WSJ on our Kindle. There are things out there on the cutting edge we don't even know we need to fear. THE BACK DOOR MAN takes us there. We see it through the eyes of James Kolinsky, a simple family man who works in information security. His day goes from bad to worse when he discovers that his greatest fear is his fault and what's happened to him has happened to millions of others. He's been set up. His family—make that the world—has been taken hostage. The next twenty-four hours we find out what James Kolinsky is really made of.
Baby Steps Millionaires
Author: Dave Ramsey
Publisher: Ramsey Press
ISBN: 1942121601
Category : Business & Economics
Languages : en
Pages : 312
Book Description
You Can Baby Step Your Way to Becoming a Millionaire Most people know Dave Ramsey as the guy who did stupid with a lot of zeros on the end. He made his first million in his twenties—the wrong way—and then went bankrupt. That’s when he set out to learn God’s ways of managing money and developed the Ramsey Baby Steps. Following these steps, Dave became a millionaire again—this time the right way. After three decades of guiding millions of others through the plan, the evidence is undeniable: if you follow the Baby Steps, you will become a millionaire and get to live and give like no one else. In Baby Steps Millionaires, you will . . . *Take a deeper look at Baby Step 4 to learn how Dave invests and builds wealth *Learn how to bust through the barriers preventing them from becoming a millionaire *Hear true stories from ordinary people who dug themselves out of debt and built wealth *Discover how anyone can become a millionaire, especially you Baby Steps Millionaires isn’t a book that tells the secrets of the rich. It doesn't teach complicated financial concepts reserved only for the elite. As a matter of fact, this information is straightforward, practical, and maybe even a little boring. But the life you'll lead if you follow the Baby Steps is anything but boring! You don’t need a large inheritance or the winning lottery number to become a millionaire. Anyone can do it—even today. For those who are ready, it’s game on!
Publisher: Ramsey Press
ISBN: 1942121601
Category : Business & Economics
Languages : en
Pages : 312
Book Description
You Can Baby Step Your Way to Becoming a Millionaire Most people know Dave Ramsey as the guy who did stupid with a lot of zeros on the end. He made his first million in his twenties—the wrong way—and then went bankrupt. That’s when he set out to learn God’s ways of managing money and developed the Ramsey Baby Steps. Following these steps, Dave became a millionaire again—this time the right way. After three decades of guiding millions of others through the plan, the evidence is undeniable: if you follow the Baby Steps, you will become a millionaire and get to live and give like no one else. In Baby Steps Millionaires, you will . . . *Take a deeper look at Baby Step 4 to learn how Dave invests and builds wealth *Learn how to bust through the barriers preventing them from becoming a millionaire *Hear true stories from ordinary people who dug themselves out of debt and built wealth *Discover how anyone can become a millionaire, especially you Baby Steps Millionaires isn’t a book that tells the secrets of the rich. It doesn't teach complicated financial concepts reserved only for the elite. As a matter of fact, this information is straightforward, practical, and maybe even a little boring. But the life you'll lead if you follow the Baby Steps is anything but boring! You don’t need a large inheritance or the winning lottery number to become a millionaire. Anyone can do it—even today. For those who are ready, it’s game on!
Becoming a Leader of Character
Author: James L. Anderson
Publisher: Morgan James Publishing
ISBN: 1630479381
Category : Business & Economics
Languages : en
Pages : 219
Book Description
This handbook for developing six crucial habits “ should be on every modern leader’s desk” (Jeb Blount, bestselling author of People Follow You). While many books focus on developing managerial competencies, most leadership failures are the result of a failure in character, not a failure in competence. But just as you don’t get in shape by reading a fitness magazine, you don’t become a leader of character by reading a book on character. You have to do what you want to be! Becoming a Leader of Character is a workout plan designed to develop six Habits of Character by providing small daily exercises that strengthen your character muscles—for the important tests of character all leaders face.
Publisher: Morgan James Publishing
ISBN: 1630479381
Category : Business & Economics
Languages : en
Pages : 219
Book Description
This handbook for developing six crucial habits “ should be on every modern leader’s desk” (Jeb Blount, bestselling author of People Follow You). While many books focus on developing managerial competencies, most leadership failures are the result of a failure in character, not a failure in competence. But just as you don’t get in shape by reading a fitness magazine, you don’t become a leader of character by reading a book on character. You have to do what you want to be! Becoming a Leader of Character is a workout plan designed to develop six Habits of Character by providing small daily exercises that strengthen your character muscles—for the important tests of character all leaders face.
The Book of Dave
Author: Will Self
Publisher: Penguin UK
ISBN: 0141902507
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 312
Book Description
The Book of Dave is Booker-shortlisted author Will Self's dazzling sixth novel What if a demented London cabbie called Dave Rudman wrote a book to his estranged son to give him some fatherly advice? What if that book was buried in Hampstead and hundreds of years later, when rising sea levels have put London underwater, spawned a religion? What if one man decided to question life according to Dave? And what if Dave had indeed made a mistake? Shuttling between the recent past and a far-off future where England is terribly altered, The Book of Dave is a strange and troubling mirror held up to our times: disturbing, satirizing and vilifying who and what we think we are. At once a meditation upon the nature of received religion, a love story, a caustic satire of contemporary urban life and a historical detective story set in the far future - this compulsive novel will be enjoyed by readers everywhere, including fans of Martin Amis and Anthony Burgess's A Clockwork Orange. 'Vivid, visceral and breathtakingly ambitious, this is Self's best yet' GQ 'Mindboggling ... darkly hilarious ... A fascinating book' Evening Standard Will Self is the author of nine novels including Cock and Bull; My Idea of Fun; Great Apes; How the Dead Live; Dorian, an Imitation; The Book of Dave; The Butt; Walking to Hollywood and Umbrella, which was shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize. He has written five collections of shorter fiction and three novellas: The Quantity Theory of Insanity; Grey Area; License to Hug; The Sweet Smell of Psychosis; Design Faults in the Volvo 760 Turbo; Tough, Tough Toys for Tough, Tough Boys; Dr. Mukti and Other Tales of Woe and Liver: A Fictional Organ with a Surface Anatomy of Four Lobes. Self has also compiled a number of nonfiction works, including The Undivided Self: Selected Stories; Junk Mail; Perfidious Man; Sore Sites; Feeding Frenzy; Psychogeography; Psycho Too and The Unbearable Lightness of Being a Prawn Cracker.
Publisher: Penguin UK
ISBN: 0141902507
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 312
Book Description
The Book of Dave is Booker-shortlisted author Will Self's dazzling sixth novel What if a demented London cabbie called Dave Rudman wrote a book to his estranged son to give him some fatherly advice? What if that book was buried in Hampstead and hundreds of years later, when rising sea levels have put London underwater, spawned a religion? What if one man decided to question life according to Dave? And what if Dave had indeed made a mistake? Shuttling between the recent past and a far-off future where England is terribly altered, The Book of Dave is a strange and troubling mirror held up to our times: disturbing, satirizing and vilifying who and what we think we are. At once a meditation upon the nature of received religion, a love story, a caustic satire of contemporary urban life and a historical detective story set in the far future - this compulsive novel will be enjoyed by readers everywhere, including fans of Martin Amis and Anthony Burgess's A Clockwork Orange. 'Vivid, visceral and breathtakingly ambitious, this is Self's best yet' GQ 'Mindboggling ... darkly hilarious ... A fascinating book' Evening Standard Will Self is the author of nine novels including Cock and Bull; My Idea of Fun; Great Apes; How the Dead Live; Dorian, an Imitation; The Book of Dave; The Butt; Walking to Hollywood and Umbrella, which was shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize. He has written five collections of shorter fiction and three novellas: The Quantity Theory of Insanity; Grey Area; License to Hug; The Sweet Smell of Psychosis; Design Faults in the Volvo 760 Turbo; Tough, Tough Toys for Tough, Tough Boys; Dr. Mukti and Other Tales of Woe and Liver: A Fictional Organ with a Surface Anatomy of Four Lobes. Self has also compiled a number of nonfiction works, including The Undivided Self: Selected Stories; Junk Mail; Perfidious Man; Sore Sites; Feeding Frenzy; Psychogeography; Psycho Too and The Unbearable Lightness of Being a Prawn Cracker.
Dave Barry's Greatest Hits
Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0345419995
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 306
Book Description
When Dave Barry is on the loose, no one is safe! What Dave Barry did for the men’s movement in his Complete Guide to Guys and for foreign relations when he did Japan he now does for . . . everything in America. The rapacious observer of Tupperware ladies and leisure concept salesmen sounds off on: Football—Football is more than just a game. It is a potential opportunity to see a live person lying on the ground with a bone sticking out of his leg, while the fans, to show their appreciation, perform “the wave.” Sailing—There’s nothing quite like getting out on the open sea, where you can forget about the hassles and worries of life on land, and concentrate on the hassles and worries of life on the sea, such as death by squid. Gambling—Off-Track Betting parlors are the kinds of places where you never see signs that say, “Thank You for Not Smoking.” The best you can hope for is, “Thank You for Not Spitting Pieces of Your Cigar on My Neck.” “The good news: he’s funny as ever. The bad news: the book is only 304 pages.”—Los Angeles Daily News
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0345419995
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 306
Book Description
When Dave Barry is on the loose, no one is safe! What Dave Barry did for the men’s movement in his Complete Guide to Guys and for foreign relations when he did Japan he now does for . . . everything in America. The rapacious observer of Tupperware ladies and leisure concept salesmen sounds off on: Football—Football is more than just a game. It is a potential opportunity to see a live person lying on the ground with a bone sticking out of his leg, while the fans, to show their appreciation, perform “the wave.” Sailing—There’s nothing quite like getting out on the open sea, where you can forget about the hassles and worries of life on land, and concentrate on the hassles and worries of life on the sea, such as death by squid. Gambling—Off-Track Betting parlors are the kinds of places where you never see signs that say, “Thank You for Not Smoking.” The best you can hope for is, “Thank You for Not Spitting Pieces of Your Cigar on My Neck.” “The good news: he’s funny as ever. The bad news: the book is only 304 pages.”—Los Angeles Daily News
Safecracker
Author: Dave McOmie
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield
ISBN: 1493058525
Category : True Crime
Languages : en
Pages : 248
Book Description
Like a character in a Hitchcock movie, Dave McOmie travels the country breaking into bank vaults, cracking jewelry store safes, and decoding unbreakable codes secured deep in government facilities. He’s never been arrested or charged with a crime—because it’s his job! Safecracker reveals a shadowy world where tumblers are twirled, skeletons are exposed, and longstanding mysteries are solved. You’ll ride shotgun with Dave for one crazy week, beginning with an impenetrable vault in Vegas with a midnight deadline, and ending with Prince’s ultra-secure music vault in the basement of Paisley Park. In between are factual stories that read like fiction: drilling the same model ATM from the notorious episode of Breaking Bad, meeting a mystery man from the Department of Defense at a remote location to crack two high-security safes, chronicling the corruption and ineptitude that dogged efforts to develop the first electronic safe lock to guard our national secrets, tackling a hundred-year-old antique bank vault in downtown Salt Lake City, and more. What’s in all these safes and vaults? Gold and silver, drugs and cash, guns and ammo, family heirlooms and X-rated paraphernalia . . . and a few secrets that should have remained secret. Shhhhh!
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield
ISBN: 1493058525
Category : True Crime
Languages : en
Pages : 248
Book Description
Like a character in a Hitchcock movie, Dave McOmie travels the country breaking into bank vaults, cracking jewelry store safes, and decoding unbreakable codes secured deep in government facilities. He’s never been arrested or charged with a crime—because it’s his job! Safecracker reveals a shadowy world where tumblers are twirled, skeletons are exposed, and longstanding mysteries are solved. You’ll ride shotgun with Dave for one crazy week, beginning with an impenetrable vault in Vegas with a midnight deadline, and ending with Prince’s ultra-secure music vault in the basement of Paisley Park. In between are factual stories that read like fiction: drilling the same model ATM from the notorious episode of Breaking Bad, meeting a mystery man from the Department of Defense at a remote location to crack two high-security safes, chronicling the corruption and ineptitude that dogged efforts to develop the first electronic safe lock to guard our national secrets, tackling a hundred-year-old antique bank vault in downtown Salt Lake City, and more. What’s in all these safes and vaults? Gold and silver, drugs and cash, guns and ammo, family heirlooms and X-rated paraphernalia . . . and a few secrets that should have remained secret. Shhhhh!
Dave Barry's Money Secrets
Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Crown
ISBN: 0307351009
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 242
Book Description
Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as: • How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler • Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money • Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser • How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider • An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel) • Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate • How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating • Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one • How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any • Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death • And many, many pictures of Suze Orman But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies. What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you. Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you’ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return. What is your annual income? 1. More than $50,000. 2. Less than $50,000. 3. However much I get when I return these empties. Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe? 1. Less than $10,000. 2. More than $10,000. 3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs. How would you describe your portfolio? 1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities. 2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks. 3. My what? When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor? 1. The amount of return. 2. The degree of risk. 3. The name of the jockey. How do you plan to finance your retirement? 1. Savings. 2. Social security. 3. Sale of kidneys. —from the Introduction: “Why You Need This Book” Also available as a Crown eBook.
Publisher: Crown
ISBN: 0307351009
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 242
Book Description
Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as: • How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler • Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money • Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser • How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider • An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel) • Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate • How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating • Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one • How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any • Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death • And many, many pictures of Suze Orman But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies. What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you. Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you’ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return. What is your annual income? 1. More than $50,000. 2. Less than $50,000. 3. However much I get when I return these empties. Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe? 1. Less than $10,000. 2. More than $10,000. 3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs. How would you describe your portfolio? 1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities. 2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks. 3. My what? When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor? 1. The amount of return. 2. The degree of risk. 3. The name of the jockey. How do you plan to finance your retirement? 1. Savings. 2. Social security. 3. Sale of kidneys. —from the Introduction: “Why You Need This Book” Also available as a Crown eBook.