My Parents Are Dead, But I Still Wish They'd Change: A History of Estrangement and Unresolved Conflict PDF Download
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Author: Christine Parsons
Publisher: Outskirts Press
ISBN: 9781977224972
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 182
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Book Description
I am the product of estrangement. My childhood journey finds a heart-wrenching repetition in the present. Adult child estrangement is a lesson in the power of the human spirit. It is amazing how the willingness to survive can deliver us to a sense of purpose. This is a story about the search for personal truth. It is raw and honest. I openly discuss the debilitating circumstances that brought me to my knees. I share the grave moments when I lost myself because I allowed someone else to define me. It is a tale that finds me rising from the ashes with the discovery of how to proceed in kindness. I find meaning in everything, even if it's as simple as a good cup of coffee. Readers Say: Intense, raw, insightful and thoughtful. - AL A heart-rending story of abuse, neglect, and love along with the complexities that challenge our understanding of these relationships. - KF A difficult journey with a reflective voice. Christine's words and phrases are eloquent and worth sharing with anyone who has struggled through addiction, abuse, and rejection. - BF Amazing dictation. The silence has been spoken. It has been put into words that needed to be expressed. Bigger than estrangement. Words of authority. The right of a parent. Revealing what she could no longer bear. - MS Gripping. I ran the gamut of emotions as my empathetic soul was on overload. I picked it up to read, and couldn't put it down until I was finished. - AK
Author: Christine Parsons
Publisher: Outskirts Press
ISBN: 9781977224972
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 182
Get Book Here
Book Description
I am the product of estrangement. My childhood journey finds a heart-wrenching repetition in the present. Adult child estrangement is a lesson in the power of the human spirit. It is amazing how the willingness to survive can deliver us to a sense of purpose. This is a story about the search for personal truth. It is raw and honest. I openly discuss the debilitating circumstances that brought me to my knees. I share the grave moments when I lost myself because I allowed someone else to define me. It is a tale that finds me rising from the ashes with the discovery of how to proceed in kindness. I find meaning in everything, even if it's as simple as a good cup of coffee. Readers Say: Intense, raw, insightful and thoughtful. - AL A heart-rending story of abuse, neglect, and love along with the complexities that challenge our understanding of these relationships. - KF A difficult journey with a reflective voice. Christine's words and phrases are eloquent and worth sharing with anyone who has struggled through addiction, abuse, and rejection. - BF Amazing dictation. The silence has been spoken. It has been put into words that needed to be expressed. Bigger than estrangement. Words of authority. The right of a parent. Revealing what she could no longer bear. - MS Gripping. I ran the gamut of emotions as my empathetic soul was on overload. I picked it up to read, and couldn't put it down until I was finished. - AK
Author: Christine Parsons
Publisher: Outskirts Press
ISBN: 1977265529
Category : Self-Help
Languages : en
Pages : 247
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Book Description
There are many books and articles written on how to reconcile. They offer information as to how the broken parent should speak to promote healing. But what if your adult child refuses to engage? The alternative option is to move on and let go. But healing the wound of adult child estrangement is messy and complicated. There are good days and bad. Christine shares the reality of the work it takes to see the forest for the trees. This book goes deep into the life of the author, and how it feels to be silenced as a mother. It describes how she finds purpose on this path unchosen, and her gain in emotional intelligence. Readers Say: I cried my eyes out reading this because it’s raw, and has huge meaning. I feel like you are writing my words in my brain. Thank you for sharing your gift of writing and giving voice to this thing called estrangement, Christine. This resonates deeply. Sad. Angry. Accepting waves of ambiguous grief. It helps to know I am not alone with these “family” issues. Hugs to all of us healing parents trying to find the coping mechanisms to get through this ugly journey. Thank you, Christine.
Author: Karl Pillemer, Ph.D.
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 0593539133
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 289
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Book Description
Real solutions to a hidden epidemic: family estrangement. Estrangement from a family member is one of the most painful life experiences. It is devastating not only to the individuals directly involved--collateral damage can extend upward, downward, and across generations, More than 65 million Americans suffer such rifts, yet little guidance exists on how to cope with and overcome them. In this book, Karl Pillemer combines the advice of people who have successfully reconciled with powerful insights from social science research. The result is a unique guide to mending fractured families. Fault Lines shares for the first time findings from Dr. Pillemer's ten-year groundbreaking Cornell Reconciliation Project, based on the first national survey on estrangement; rich, in-depth interviews with hundreds of people who have experienced it; and insights from leading family researchers and therapists. He assures people who are estranged, and those who care about them, that they are not alone and that fissures can be bridged. Through the wisdom of people who have "been there," Fault Lines shows how healing is possible through clear steps that people can use right away in their own families. It addresses such questions as: How do rifts begin? What makes estrangement so painful? Why is it so often triggered by a single event? Are you ready to reconcile? How can you overcome past hurts to build a new future with a relative? Tackling a subject that is achingly familiar to almost everyone, especially in an era when powerful outside forces such as technology and mobility are lessening family cohesion, Dr. Pillemer combines dramatic stories, science-based guidance, and practical repair tools to help people find the path to reconciliation.
Author: Pauline Payne
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781520335315
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 74
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Book Description
Parental estrangement by children is the silent epidemic. It is a taboo subject and most of the parents who find themselves ostracized from their children also discover that they are lost in a dark world of shame and guilt. But parent child relationship schisms have actually been around for for centuries. In our case, Linda was a terrific mom to her three children after her divorce. She devoted her life to them and her life revolved around them as they grew up. After they left the nest, the relationships changed. After all three children graduated college and began their own adult lives, Linda then began to have a life of her own. But, as it turned out, two of her children never wanted her to be anything but the always attentive mom in the background, always available when THEY needed her. A moving, intergenerational story of how one couple became estranged from their children and how this has affected their lives. It wasn't until I finished writing this book, did I realize that estrangement had also been a major theme in my own life. Perhaps this is the karmic destiny I was supposed to learn in this lifetime. I discovered that I had experienced estrangement from all aspects:As the daughter of someone who had cut off family members.As the daughter who could have estranged herself from her own mother.As the spouse of someone who had estranged herself from her own family.As the spouse of a mom whose children had estranged themselves from her.Then an account of what they did to take back their lives and what other estranged parents can do to live more fully in the new life that they have been given.After seeing the damage estrangement creates in a family from all possible angles, I guess I'm kind of uniquely qualified to write about it. I know how it has affected me from all these different positions. I know something about the personalities of those who behave this way.If you are experiencing this, you are not alone. We are not alone. We are all on similar journeys.
Author: Alan Wolfelt
Publisher: Companion Press
ISBN: 1617222887
Category : Psychology
Languages : en
Pages : 53
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Book Description
Grief overload is what you feel when you experience too many significant losses all at once, in a relatively short period of time, or cumulatively. In addition to the deaths of loved ones, such losses can also include divorce, estrangement, illness, relocation, job changes, and more. Our minds and hearts have enough trouble coping with a single loss, so when the losses pile up, the grief often seems especially chaotic and defeating. The good news is that through intentional, active mourning, you can and will find your way back to hope and healing. This compassionate guide will show you how.
Author: Pauline BOSS
Publisher: Harvard University Press
ISBN: 0674028589
Category : Psychology
Languages : en
Pages : 166
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Book Description
When a loved one dies we mourn our loss. We take comfort in the rituals that mark the passing, and we turn to those around us for support. But what happens when there is no closure, when a family member or a friend who may be still alive is lost to us nonetheless? How, for example, does the mother whose soldier son is missing in action, or the family of an Alzheimer's patient who is suffering from severe dementia, deal with the uncertainty surrounding this kind of loss? In this sensitive and lucid account, Pauline Boss explains that, all too often, those confronted with such ambiguous loss fluctuate between hope and hopelessness. Suffered too long, these emotions can deaden feeling and make it impossible for people to move on with their lives. Yet the central message of this book is that they can move on. Drawing on her research and clinical experience, Boss suggests strategies that can cushion the pain and help families come to terms with their grief. Her work features the heartening narratives of those who cope with ambiguous loss and manage to leave their sadness behind, including those who have lost family members to divorce, immigration, adoption, chronic mental illness, and brain injury. With its message of hope, this eloquent book offers guidance and understanding to those struggling to regain their lives. Table of Contents: 1. Frozen Grief 2. Leaving without Goodbye 3. Goodbye without Leaving 4. Mixed Emotions 5. Ups and Downs 6. The Family Gamble 7. The Turning Point 8. Making Sense out of Ambiguity 9. The Benefit of a Doubt Notes Acknowledgments Reviews of this book: You will find yourself thinking about the issues discussed in this book long after you put it down and perhaps wishing you had extra copies for friends and family members who might benefit from knowing that their sorrows are not unique...This book's value lies in its giving a name to a force many of us will confront--sadly, more than once--and providing personal stories based on 20 years of interviews and research. --Pamela Gerhardt, Washington Post Reviews of this book: A compassionate exploration of the effects of ambiguous loss and how those experiencing it handle this most devastating of losses ... Boss's approach is to encourage families to talk together, to reach a consensus about how to mourn that which has been lost and how to celebrate that which remains. Her simple stories of families doing just that contain lessons for all. Insightful, practical, and refreshingly free of psychobabble. --Kirkus Review Reviews of this book: Engagingly written and richly rewarding, this title presents what Boss has learned from many years of treating individuals and families suffering from uncertain or incomplete loss...The obvious depth of the author's understanding of sufferers of ambiguous loss and the facility with which she communicates that understanding make this a book to be recommended. --R. R. Cornellius, Choice Reviews of this book: Written for a wide readership, the concepts of ambiguous loss take immediate form through the many provocative examples and stories Boss includes, All readers will find stories with which they will relate...Sensitive, grounded and practical, this book should, in my estimation, be required reading for family practitioners. --Ted Bowman, Family Forum Reviews of this book: Dr. Boss describes [the] all-too-common phenomenon [of unresolved grief] as resulting from either of two circumstances: when the lost person is still physically present but emotionally absent or when the lost person is physically absent but still emotionally present. In addition to senility, physical presence but psychological absence may result, for example, when a person is suffering from a serious mental disorder like schizophrenia or depression or debilitating neurological damage from an accident or severe stroke, when a person abuses drugs or alcohol, when a child is autistic or when a spouse is a workaholic who is not really 'there' even when he or she is at home...Cases of physical absence with continuing psychological presence typically occur when a soldier is missing in action, when a child disappears and is not found, when a former lover or spouse is still very much missed, when a child 'loses' a parent to divorce or when people are separated from their loved ones by immigration...Professionals familiar with Dr. Boss's work emphasised that people suffering from ambiguous loss were not mentally ill, but were just stuck and needed help getting past the barrier or unresolved grief so that they could get on with their lives. --Asian Age Combining her talents as a compassionate family therapist and a creative researcher, Pauline Boss eloquently shows the many and complex ways that people can cope with the inevitable losses in contemporary family life. A wise book, and certain to become a classic. --Constance R. Ahrons, author of The Good Divorce A powerful and healing book. Families experiencing ambiguous loss will find strategies for seeing what aspects of their loved ones remain, and for understanding and grieving what they have lost. Pauline Boss offers us both insight and clarity. --Kathy Weingarten, Ph.D, The Family Institute of Cambridge, Harvard Medical School
Author: Shane Ryan
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0553390686
Category : Sports & Recreation
Languages : en
Pages : 458
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Book Description
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • In Slaying the Tiger, one of today’s boldest young sportswriters spends a season inside the ropes alongside the rising stars who are transforming the game of golf. For more than a decade, golf was dominated by one galvanizing figure: Eldrick “Tiger” Woods. But as his star has fallen, a new, ambitious generation has stepped up to claim the crown. Once the domain of veterans, golf saw a youth revolution in 2014. In Slaying the Tiger, Shane Ryan introduces us to the volatile, colorful crop of heirs apparent who are storming the barricades of this traditionally old-fashioned sport. As the golf writer for Bill Simmons’s Grantland, Shane Ryan is the perfect herald for the sport’s new age. In Slaying the Tiger, he embeds himself for a season on the PGA Tour, where he finds the game far removed from the genteel rhythms of yesteryear. Instead, he discovers a group of mercurial talents driven to greatness by their fear of failure and their relentless perfectionism. From Augusta to Scotland, with an irreverent and energetic voice, Ryan documents every transcendent moment, every press tent tirade, and every controversy that made the 2014 Tour one of the most exciting and unpredictable in recent memory. Here are indelibly drawn profiles of the game’s young guns: Rory McIlroy, the Northern Irish ace who stepped forward as the game’s next superstar; Patrick Reed, a brash, boastful competitor with a warrior’s mentality; Dustin Johnson, the brilliant natural talent whose private habits sabotage his potential; and Jason Day, a resilient Aussie whose hardscrabble beginnings make him the Tour’s ultimate longshot. Here also is the bumptious Bubba Watson, a devout Christian known for his unsportsmanlike outbursts on the golf course; Keegan Bradley, a flinty New Englander who plays with a colossal chip on his shoulder; twenty-one-year-old Jordan Spieth, a preternaturally mature Texan carrying the hopes of the golf establishment; and Rickie Fowler, the humble California kid striving to make his golf speak louder than his bright orange clothes. Bound by their talent, each one hungrier than the last, these players will vie over the coming decade for the right to be called the next king of the game. Golf may be slow to change, but in 2014, the wheels were turning at a feverish pace. Slaying the Tiger offers a dynamic snapshot of a rapidly evolving sport. Praise for Slaying the Tiger “This book is going to be controversial. There is no question about it. . . . It is the most unvarnished view of the tour—the biggest tour in the world—that I’ve ever read. And it’s not close.”—Gary Williams, Golf Channel “A must-read for PGA Tour fans from the casual to the most dedicated . . . This book is certain to be as important to this era as [John] Feinstein’s [A Good Walk Spoiled] was two decades ago. . . . A well-researched, in-depth look at the men who inhabit the highest levels of the game.”—Examiner.com “A masterfully written account of an important time in golf history.”—Adam Fonseca, Golf Unfiltered “Absolutely marvelous . . . Ryan’s writing flows and his reporting turns pages for you.”—Kyle Porter, CBS Sports “A riveting read.”—Library Journal “Ryan’s fresh look is just what we golfer/readers want.”—Curt Sampson, New York Times bestselling author of Hogan “Ryan does a fantastic job painting a thoughtful and accurate portrait of the new crop of heirs apparent.”—Stephanie Wei, Wei Under Par
Author: Joshua Coleman, PhD
Publisher: Harmony
ISBN: 0593136861
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 322
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Book Description
A guide for parents whose adult children have cut off contact that reveals the hidden logic of estrangement, explores its cultural causes, and offers practical advice for parents trying to reestablish contact with their adult children. “Finally, here’s a hopeful, comprehensive, and compassionate guide to navigating one of the most painful experiences for parents and their adult children alike.”—Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Labeled a silent epidemic by a growing number of therapists and researchers, estrangement is one of the most disorienting and painful experiences of a parent's life. Popular opinion typically tells a one-sided story of parents who got what they deserved or overly entitled adult children who wrongly blame their parents. However, the reasons for estrangement are far more complex and varied. As a result of rising rates of individualism, an increasing cultural emphasis on happiness, growing economic insecurity, and a historically recent perception that parents are obstacles to personal growth, many parents find themselves forever shut out of the lives of their adult children and grandchildren. As a trusted psychologist whose own daughter cut off contact for several years and eventually reconciled, Dr. Joshua Coleman is uniquely qualified to guide parents in navigating these fraught interactions. He helps to alleviate the ongoing feelings of shame, hurt, guilt, and sorrow that commonly attend these dynamics. By placing estrangement into a cultural context, Dr. Coleman helps parents better understand the mindset of their adult children and teaches them how to implement the strategies for reconciliation and healing that he has seen work in his forty years of practice. Rules of Estrangement gives parents the language and the emotional tools to engage in meaningful conversation with their child, the framework to cultivate a healthy relationship moving forward, and the ability to move on if reconciliation is no longer possible. While estrangement is a complex and tender topic, Dr. Coleman's insightful approach is based on empathy and understanding for both the parent and the adult child.
Author: Joy Schaverien
Publisher: Routledge
ISBN: 1317506588
Category : Psychology
Languages : en
Pages : 349
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Book Description
Boarding School Syndrome is an analysis of the trauma of the 'privileged' child sent to boarding school at a young age. Innovative and challenging, Joy Schaverien offers a psychological analysis of the long-established British and colonial preparatory and public boarding school tradition. Richly illustrated with pictures and the narratives of adult ex-boarders in psychotherapy, the book demonstrates how some forms of enduring distress in adult life may be traced back to the early losses of home and family. Developed from clinical research and informed by attachment and child development theories ‘Boarding School Syndrome’ is a new term that offers a theoretical framework on which the psychotherapeutic treatment of ex-boarders may build. Divided into four parts, History: In the Name of Privilege; Exile and Healing; Broken Attachments: A Hidden Trauma, and The Boarding School Body, the book includes vivid case studies of ex-boarders in psychotherapy. Their accounts reveal details of the suffering endured: loss, bereavement and captivity are sometimes compounded by physical, sexual and psychological abuse. Here, Joy Schaverien shows how many boarders adopt unconscious coping strategies including dissociative amnesia resulting in a psychological split between the 'home self' and the 'boarding school self'. This pattern may continue into adult life, causing difficulties in intimate relationships, generalized depression and separation anxiety amongst other forms of psychological distress. Boarding School Syndrome demonstrates how boarding school may damage those it is meant to be a reward and discusses the wider implications of this tradition. It will be essential reading for psychoanalysts, Jungian analysts, psychotherapists, art psychotherapists, counsellors and others interested in the psychological, cultural and international legacy of this tradition including ex-boarders and their partners.
Author: Barbara LeBey
Publisher: Bantam
ISBN: 0553381962
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 277
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Book Description
The author examines the increasing problem of family conflict and estrangement, offering advice on how to achieve reconciliation and forgiveness by offering examples from her own personal experience of being estranged from her son. Reprint.
