Jesus Cries When You Touch Yourself

Jesus Cries When You Touch Yourself PDF Author: Adam McClaran
Publisher: Adam McClaran
ISBN: 1453697675
Category : Performing Arts
Languages : en
Pages : 169

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Book Description
Jesus Cries When You Touch Yourself is a comic monologue written in tribute to the late George Carlin on the topic of religious bullshit in America. Influenced by Carlin, Friedrich Nietzsche, Bill Maher, Monty Python, and the writers of South Park, the author uses constant mockery and absurdist humor on a tour of ridiculous beliefs in America. With devastating logic, Jesus, the most beloved character in all of history, is revealed to be the world's greatest pedophile. After all, if Jesus is God, then everyday he watches billions of children take off their clothes and hundreds of millions of others go poop. Well, the great Poop Inspector would be a pedophile, if only he wasn't merely our imaginary friend. From an invisible man in the sky that watches millions of people masturbate each day, to Jesus ascending into heaven and becoming an astronaut, to Catholics eating Jesus' penis every Sunday, Jesus Cries When You Touch Yourself contrasts intense realism with comical religious absurdity in the most ambitious ridicule of religion ever written.

Jesus Cries When You Touch Yourself

Jesus Cries When You Touch Yourself PDF Author: Adam McClaran
Publisher: Adam McClaran
ISBN: 1453697675
Category : Performing Arts
Languages : en
Pages : 169

Get Book Here

Book Description
Jesus Cries When You Touch Yourself is a comic monologue written in tribute to the late George Carlin on the topic of religious bullshit in America. Influenced by Carlin, Friedrich Nietzsche, Bill Maher, Monty Python, and the writers of South Park, the author uses constant mockery and absurdist humor on a tour of ridiculous beliefs in America. With devastating logic, Jesus, the most beloved character in all of history, is revealed to be the world's greatest pedophile. After all, if Jesus is God, then everyday he watches billions of children take off their clothes and hundreds of millions of others go poop. Well, the great Poop Inspector would be a pedophile, if only he wasn't merely our imaginary friend. From an invisible man in the sky that watches millions of people masturbate each day, to Jesus ascending into heaven and becoming an astronaut, to Catholics eating Jesus' penis every Sunday, Jesus Cries When You Touch Yourself contrasts intense realism with comical religious absurdity in the most ambitious ridicule of religion ever written.

Tears To God

Tears To God PDF Author: Imran Islam
Publisher:
ISBN:
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 54

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Book Description
Imran Islam is a young very talented writer. He writes in an inspiring authentic way. Inviting young generation for finding meaning and purpose in their life. Every single poem transmits a strong form of understanding duty, commitment, faith and love as a driving inspiration in life. Imran's emotions of Faith and devotion transmits to the readers. His inner life experience with faith, hope, honesty, happiness, love; all life virtues are reflected in his poems, which makes his work inspiring to everyone. Readers love this poetry book as it is written in a fresh and flowing way. Imran Islam goes with his own style of expressing profound meaning and deep faith. It's always gratifying to read Imran's poetry. Readers can feel that he writes from the heart.

I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die

I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die PDF Author: Sarah J. Robinson
Publisher: WaterBrook
ISBN: 0593193539
Category : Religion
Languages : en
Pages : 257

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Book Description
A compassionate, shame-free guide for your darkest days “A one-of-a-kind book . . . to read for yourself or give to a struggling friend or loved one without the fear that depression and suicidal thoughts will be minimized, medicalized or over-spiritualized.”—Kay Warren, cofounder of Saddleback Church What happens when loving Jesus doesn’t cure you of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts? You might be crushed by shame over your mental illness, only to be told by well-meaning Christians to “choose joy” and “pray more.” So you beg God to take away the pain, but nothing eases the ache inside. As darkness lingers and color drains from your world, you’re left wondering if God has abandoned you. You just want a way out. But there’s hope. In I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die, Sarah J. Robinson offers a healthy, practical, and shame-free guide for Christians struggling with mental illness. With unflinching honesty, Sarah shares her story of battling depression and fighting to stay alive despite toxic theology that made her afraid to seek help outside the church. Pairing her own story with scriptural insights, mental health research, and simple practices, Sarah helps you reconnect with the God who is present in our deepest anguish and discover that you are worth everything it takes to get better. Beautifully written and full of hard-won wisdom, I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die offers a path toward a rich, hope-filled life in Christ, even when healing doesn’t look like what you expect.

The Crown of Sanctity

The Crown of Sanctity PDF Author: Daniel O'Connor
Publisher: Daniel O'Connor
ISBN:
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 564

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Book Description
2,000 years ago, the Son of God prayed to His Father, “Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.” This prayer, the greatest ever uttered by the lips of man, will not go unanswered. Jesus has revealed to an Italian mystic named Luisa that the time has now at last arrived for its fulfillment; that is, for the restoration of what was destroyed by Adam 6,000 years ago in the Fall of Man. In brief: the entire world is about to be radically transformed like never before in its history. This is probably something you should know about. This book has been written to inform you about the transformation and to enable you to take part in it and hasten it. But this transformation will not be achieved through human effort. It will be given directly from Heaven by way of God's greatest Gift: the Gift of Living in the Divine Will, which is the Crown of Sanctity, and which even now we must all strive to receive. In this sanctity is found The Culmination of Deification, the Fruitfulness of Mystical Marriage, the Aspiration of the Unification of Wills, and the Essence of Marian Consecration. This is none other than the Triumph of the Immaculate Heart of Mary promised at Fatima. It is the coming of the Kingdom of God. This is a long book, but its length should turn away no one, as a thorough and detailed table of contents is given so that each reader can easily select only those sections in which he is interested for his perusal. And any reader is sure to find much that interests him. Within these pages is a treasury of resources; not only concerning Luisa's revelations directly, but also on new arguments for God's existence and the truth of Christianity, extensive Catechesis on Private Revelation in general and on the spiritual life in general (including overviews of the greatest teachings on spirituality in the history of the Church), and details on the Era of Peace as revealed to Luisa and many other mystics, visionaries, and seers (Fatima, Medjugorje, Venerable Conchita, Fr. Gobbi, and dozens more). You will not regret reading this book. This is our great hope and our petition: "Your Kingdom come" - a kingdom of peace, justice, and serenity, that will re-establish the original harmony of creation. – Pope St. John Paul II

One Hundred Revival Sermons and Outlines

One Hundred Revival Sermons and Outlines PDF Author:
Publisher:
ISBN:
Category : Evangelistic sermons
Languages : en
Pages : 472

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Book Description


The Living Word 2015-2016

The Living Word 2015-2016 PDF Author: Leisa Anslinger
Publisher: LiturgyTrainingPublications
ISBN: 1616712112
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 258

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Book Description
This resource provides youth ministers with 15-minute Gospel-oriented activities and reflections designed to help renew the liturgical lives of teens. Following the school calendar, each session offers prayers, Scripture readings, reflections, and catechesis, for every Sunday and Holyday of Obligation from August 3, 2014, to June 28, 2015.

In Christ Alone

In Christ Alone PDF Author: Stuart Townend
Publisher: Shawnee Press (TN)
ISBN: 9781480332911
Category : Choruses, Sacred (Mixed voices, 3 parts) with piano
Languages : en
Pages : 0

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Book Description
(Glory Sound Simply Sacred). The increasing treasury of modern hymns and sacred songs by Keith and Kristyn Getty and collaborator Stuart Townend are explored in this new resource designed for choirs of any level. Many of this writing team's biggest successes are included, all lovingly adapted by some of our most gifted arrangers. Music for the entire church year is contained in this collection. Transcending stylistic boundaries, the music and message are home in both contemporary-styled worship venues and traditional programs. Creative instrumental adornments offer additional options for performance while sensitive arranging make this compilation accessible to choirs of any size. Available separately: SAB, Listening CD, Preview Pack (Book/CD Combo), 10-Pack Listening CDs, Instrumental CD-ROM (Score & parts for flute, penny whistle, oboe, acoustic guitar, electric bass, drum set, percussion, violin 1 & 2, viola, cello *Note, instrumentation varies on each song), StudioTrax CD (Accompaniment Only), SplitTrax CD.

Radical

Radical PDF Author: David Platt
Publisher: Multnomah
ISBN: 1601422210
Category : Religion
Languages : en
Pages : 242

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Book Description
New York Times bestseller What is Jesus worth to you? It's easy for American Christians to forget how Jesus said his followers would actually live, what their new lifestyle would actually look like. They would, he said, leave behind security, money, convenience, even family for him. They would abandon everything for the gospel. They would take up their crosses daily... But who do you know who lives like that? Do you? In Radical, David Platt challenges you to consider with an open heart how we have manipulated the gospel to fit our cultural preferences. He shows what Jesus actually said about being his disciple--then invites you to believe and obey what you have heard. And he tells the dramatic story of what is happening as a "successful" suburban church decides to get serious about the gospel according to Jesus. Finally, he urges you to join in The Radical Experiment -- a one-year journey in authentic discipleship that will transform how you live in a world that desperately needs the Good News Jesus came to bring.

The New Onward Movement

The New Onward Movement PDF Author: William James Dawson
Publisher:
ISBN:
Category : Christian life
Languages : en
Pages : 68

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Book Description


My Heart Cries Out

My Heart Cries Out PDF Author: Paul David Tripp
Publisher: Crossway
ISBN: 1433556847
Category : Religion
Languages : en
Pages : 393

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Book Description
This ebook edition contains artwork adapted from the print edition to fit the digital format. "My hope is that this volume will help you to see the Savior more clearly, to understand his grace more deeply, to confess your struggle more honestly, to worship him more fully, and to find in these meditations the motivation to continue to follow the Savior even when he’s leading you into unexpected and hard places.” —Paul David Tripp Best-selling author Paul David Tripp invites you into his personal reflections on his experience of God’s ever-present grace through the ups and downs of his life. He shares his celebrations, disappointments, cries for help, confessions, and confusions in the form of 120 meditations that were written over many years through various joys and struggles. Vulnerable yet pastoral and wise, these meditations in the form of verse showcase how God’s amazing grace intersects with the mundane, unexpected, messy, and beautiful moments of everyday life.